Godzilla vs. Gigan
(1972)
Few of the early Godzilla movies manage to maintain the precarious balance between
"humans talking about stuff" and "monsters stomping on stuff". While not perfect in any
possible way, Godzilla vs Gigan does an admirable job in blending in just enough
human interaction to make the monster fights more exciting. That said, this movie sucks.
It should have been titled Stock Footage Godzilla versus Stock Footage
Monsters for all the reused film from previous movies. Whole scenes are lifted
directly from other films and dropped into this one without any attempt to match
scenery, lighting or mood.
The dire lack of money is crystal clear in Toho's effort here and little attention is paid
to constructing a viable storyline or plot. One can see that this movie was a desperate
attempt to keep the franchise rolling to sell more toys and lunchboxes. As the target
audience was children, I'm sure that it worked.
This movie, the twelfth in the Godzilla series, was released to mediocre ticket sales in
Japan in 1972, and didn't make it to America until 1977. It first hit US screens for a
limited time under the name of Godzilla on Monster Island, but the name was
changed back to Godzilla vs. Gigan when it went to video release. In the late
1980s, New World Video used the English-dubbed international version of the film to
release a high-quality, complete version of the movie, correctly titled Godzilla vs.
Gigan, and this version was since picked up and re-released by Star Maker Video.
For my review, I'll be using a Star Maker VHS tape. The label on the tape says the run
time is 91 minutes, but I think that's a typo as every source I can find says the film is
just 89 minute long. The tape also lacks subtitles, so I had to go to the internet to find
out how to spell everyone's names.
In this movie we visit some common Godzilla themes. Alien invasion, unlikely heroes,
racial stereotypes and goofy looking monsters duking it out in the flaming ruins of Tokyo.
Lovely stuff.
And now on to our show...
The opening credits are pretty simple. The cast and crew are listed over a panning shot
of some random computer banks. Nothing special here. We do see that the director is
Jun Fukuda, who has been unfairly pounded over the years for bad movies when he was
severely handicapped by a lack of money and screen talent.
We cut now to some quick shots of a comic book story board, showing some tanks
fighting a monster as terrified civilians look on. We see that this comic, half-completed,
is being shown by the artist to an editor of a comic book company. The editor is
concerned that the work is incomplete, but the artist assures him it will be a best seller.
The monster in the comic is Shukra, the "monster of homework", which is formed by kids'
hatred for homework being converted into psychic energy that is beamed into space
where it forms a monster to come back to earth and terrorize the adults. The editor
hates the idea and sends him off. After watching the entire movie, we'll be forced to
admit that this idea is far cooler than what we'll be actually watching, and we feel a loss
that the Shukra idea wasn't made into it's own movie.
The cartoonist will prove to be our film's rather blasé hero. He's a young man in his
twenties with a trendy (for 1972) haircut and an ever-present beige Nehru jacket. His
name is Gengo Kotaka and at first viewing he bears a striking resemblance to Peter Tork
of the Monkeys. As with all these movies, the number of Japanese names thrown at us is
huge, and so to help you keep the characters straight, I will refer to our hero as "Peter"
for the rest of our review. Peter is played by Hiroshi Ishikawa, and this is his only
Godzilla movie and one of only two movies total that he acted in. More than likely this
cinematic bomb destroyed his love of acting and he decided to become a fish packer
instead.
We cut now to a tea house, where Peter and his girlfriend are sitting at a table. It
appears that his girlfriend is also his booking agent, as she's setting up his next
appointment to sell his comics. The girl is as pretty as you will find in a Godzilla movie,
with a lean, strong body and fine features. Her name is Tomoko Tomoe and she will end
up being a major player in our movie. Tomoko is played by the lovely Yuriko Hishimi, a
25-year old actress appearing in her only Godzilla movie.
The next place for Peter to try is the "Construction Committee for the World's Children
Land", who Peter knows are the ones building "that Godzilla tower" which we will learn is
in the Koto district of Tokyo, on the city's eastern side. There's apparently an
undercurrent of resentment between Peter and Tomoko, as she's pushing him to get a job
and bring home some yen and he just wants to lay around and draw cartoons and sip sake.
Peter whispers under his breath "Hard bitch", but won't repeat it because, as he tells us,
Tomoko is a black belt in karate. Wow. Hot, bitchy and able to kill with her bare hands.
This is the woman of my dreams. How a goofy out-of-work slacker cartoonist managed
to get such a hottie is the biggest mystery of this movie. I guess women really do go for
that pathetic starving artist thing, eh?
We now cut out to the construction sight for the World Children's Land. We see some
bulldozers and cranes busy at work and some nifty office buildings and stuff. All of
these are cheap plastic models, even the bulldozers. It seems like they could have just
gotten a few seconds of stock footage of a construction site and saved the expense of
building the fake set. We also see the Godzilla Tower for the first time. The Tower is in
the image of Godzilla with a glassed-in elevator running from between its feet to the jaw,
where it opens into the tower's head. We'll soon learn that the tower is over 150 feet
high (the elevator has ten levels) and once completed will contain a museum dedicated to
all the monsters of the world, eastern and western. Throughout all this, the camera pans
over numerous billboards in Japanese. Shame I can't read Japanese.
We go now into the Tower's head where the HQ of the project is apparently set up. Here
we see that Peter is meeting with the secretary of the whole project, who is showing him
a scale model of the soon-to-be completed park. The secretary is a skinny, Beck-looking
guy with a horrible hair cut and large round glasses. His name will be Kubota and we will
learn to hate him as we do all evil, smarmy businessmen in these sorts of movies. Kubota
is played by Toshiaki Nishizawa, who was 36-years old when this movie was made. Not
surprising is that, other than a short stint in the 1980's TV series Space Sheriff
Gavan, this was his only film appearance. Again, this movie kills careers like the
plague.
Judging from the model and the artistic rendering on the wall behind them, this theme
park/museum is about the size of a Six Flags, with futuristic looking display buildings
and a train and parking lots and everything. Sounds better than Euro Disney but not as
good as Dolly Wood.
Kubota and Peter engage in some banter about what the world needs, and it's not love.
Peter thinks it's a return to swing music and more flavors of Ben and Jerry's, while
Kubota is convinced that "perfect peace" is what's needed. His theme park will provide
children with this perfect peace, he claims, and he'd like Peter to help him realize that
dream. This all sounds pretty nice, but we get a creepy vibe off of the whole way he
explains it, and we're sure that there's something diabolical behind this veneer of happy
children.
Peter says what the park needs is "more monsters" and pitches his cartoon monsters to
Kubota, both Shuka and Mamagan, the "monster of strict mothers" (!!!!). Kubota
actually likes the ideas and Peter finds himself gainfully employed. Yeah for him! Maybe
Tomoko will climb down off his back now.
Peter mentions Monster Island and all the beast there. Kubota explains that the plan is
to build replicas of them at the theme park and then "destroy Monster Island". Behind
this dialogue we get a collage of monsters on the island, including Angilius, Rodan, a
Mothra larve, and Godzilla amongst others, in little clips from their respective movies.
Just how they plan on destroying an island full of monsters that have so far been
indestructible is left to our imagination.
We cut now back to Peter's house where he's working on the sketches for his pet
monster projects, Shukra and Mamagan. We note with some humor that Mamagan is
shown with a colorful pattern on her chest that matches the outfit that his girlfriend
Tomoko is wearing, which she points out to us.
Tomoko is railing on him about not loosing this job as she lights up a cigarette. This is a
couple in need of counseling. It should be noted that both of them are wearing the same
outfits that they had on in the first scene, which might have been days earlier. This will
prove to be a common theme throughout the movie, and we wonder at the limited number
of costume changes that our characters make. It does make them easier to identify,
however, as we are introduced to more of them. For example, we can always tell Peter
from the beige Nehru jacket and brown turtleneck that he wears throughout the entire
movie.
Ok, we now move to what I assume is an business highrise in downtown Tokyo, where
Peter is bringing his sketches to the office of the World Children's Land Foundation. As
he opens the door, he's run over by a young girl who is fleeing the building in great haste.
The collision knocks her down and dislodges an audio tape reel, which we see bounce along
the sidewalk. Without bothering to retrieve it, the girl gets up and runs off. Before
Peter can figure this out, Kubota runs out and also smacks into him, followed by three
henchmen. It seems they are chasing after the girl and he demands that Peter tell them
which way she went. Without even knowing the details of the event, Peter knowingly
sends them off in the wrong direction. He then picks up the tape and sticks it in his bag.
A few notes here. Kubota is wearing the same suit he had on when we first met him, a
gray suitcoat over a pink shirt, and which we'll see him wear a lot more. Peter seems
pretty confidant here, how did he know that the girl hadn't just also stolen a vial of
biologic toxins that she was going to unleash on the city, and by preventing her capture
millions will die?
Anyway, Peter enters the offices of the Children's Land, which is decorated with globes
and nifty little gadgets with no obvious purpose. Peter here twice falls down, once
tripping over a door sill and then sliding off a globe (!!). I assume this passed for humor
in 1972 Japan, but here just looks sad. He's eventually summoned into an inner office.
It's here that he meets the "Chairman" of Children's Land, who surprisingly turns out to
be a young 17-year old prodigy. His name is Fumio Sudo, and he's the spitting image of
Charlie X from the old Star Trek episode of the same name, right down to the
youthful face and fashion sense. Taking into account Sudo's thinly-veiled evilness, it's
appropriate that I refer to him as "Charlie X" for the rest of this review. He's played by
Zan Fujita.
I'm going to clue you into a few things here for the sake of clarity. These men who are
building Children's Land are really aliens, aliens intent on making the earth a happy place
where no monsters run around and all human bow before them and lick their jack boots.
Keep this in mind, more later.
Charlie X's attitude and demeanor can best be described by the phrase "flaming bitch".
He's rude, crisp, and arrogant throughout the whole movie and never warms up to the
audience at all. While he talks to Peter he's scribbling madly at what he describes to
Peter as calculations for "Nebula M Space Hunter orbits". This is all pre-computer, mind
you, so he's using a pen and paper. As he is later shown to be from this nebula, and the
alien's technology is ultra-advanced, we wonder why he's working on these orbital
calculations at all.
Kubota rushes in to say that "the girl and the tape" got away. While Peter stands there,
Charlie X begins to explain what the tape was about in some detail. It contained "the
plans of their whole operation" and it was stolen by an "enemy of peace". We wonder in
amazement why this cartoonist who has been on the payroll for one day is made privy to
such critical and seemingly top secret information. You can write it off to the need to
get a lot of exposition out of the way so we can get on to the monster fights.
That foolishness done, we now follow Peter back home. It is night out and we wonder
where he's been all day as his appointment with Charlie X was in the morning. While
skipping gaily up some stairs, he's confronted by two people. One is the girl that dropped
the tape that morning and the other is her "friend".
The young girl is named Machiko Shima and she's the very picture of the cute little
Japanese schoolgirl, here wearing a red vest over a white button up shirt and a short,
short, short red miniskirt. She has a great set of legs which we get to see throughout
this movie, making the experience much more tolerable. There's a streak of the beatnik
in her character, both in the company she keeps and the way she talks, so to keep her
straight I'll call her "Hippy-Chick" for the rest of the review. She's played by Tomoko
Umeda and this is the only movie role listed for her, once and forever establishing that
this horrible movie ruined the careers of every one involved.
Her friend is a large, buffoonish counter-culture hippy in every sense of the word. He
has long hair, a pointy goatee, a beaded vest and a lot of fringe, and he appears to be
borderline stoned in every scene. By "friend" I think we can read "dealer, free-love,
drinking buddy". This was 1972, of course, so this type of character didn't seem as
dated and laughable back then. His screen name is Shosaku Takasugi, but for lack of a
better name, I'll call him "Hippy-Dude" for the rest of the review. He's played by
Minoru Takashima, who never acted in another movie after this one. Another budding
career killed by a bad Godzilla movie
Ok, Hippy-Chick demands to have the tape back, which Peter seems reluctant to do.
Hippy-Dude then slips up behind him and sticks a gun in his back, only it's not a gun, it’s
an ear of corn that he's eating. Peter, thinking he's being kidnapped at gunpoint faints
dead away. So they drag him back to their apartment. As he has the tape on him, I
wonder why the two hippies decide to drag Peter's passed out butt with them anywhere,
they could have just taken the tape and left them there. Since they saw him go into the
Children's Land offices, wouldn't they think that he's involved with them and is
therefore a security risk?
Anyway, for whatever reason, the hippies take Peter back to their groovy pad, man. The
apartment is decorated in typical 1970s anti-establishment posters and pastels and I'm
sure the bongs are hidden under the couch. Once he wakes up, they clear the whole
gun/corn thing up and then Hippy-Chick tells him the whole story. It seems that her
brother is a computer technition at Children's Land, but he disappeared three days ago
and now she's worried that something happened to him. So she read his diary (!!!)
where he expresses concern that Charlie X is planning something "diabolical" and that the
proof is "on the tapes". Hippy-Chick, showing some serious moxie and initative, then went
down to the offices this morning to find the tape, steal the tape, and then run off to
bump into Peter. Got it all?
Ok, three things here. Her brother has a diary? And he still lives with his sister? He's
like almost 30! What a geek. And how is it possible that this girl could just walk into the
office and steal a tape that will prove to be so important and critical to the entire
operation? Also, as they chat, Peter reaches into a bowl in the center of the coffee
table and pulls out a pipe (!!!), and then without a thought puts it in his mouth.
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Gross, man, you've just met these two tweakers and you start sucking
on their bong? Have you never heard of germs?
We now cut back to Godzilla Tower, where we see Charlie X, Kubota and a couple of
orange ascot-wearing alien henchmen in the control room up in the head. It should be
noted here that orange is the color of evil in this movie, anyone wearing it is more than
likely a bad guy. Here also is Takashi Shima, Hippy-Chick's computer geek brother, who
will be heretofore known as the "Computer-Geek". He's being held here against his will to
help them work on the project. They try and assuage him by telling him that he'll be the
"world's foremost expert on electronics" if he helps them. He's still conflicted but we
can see that the idea intrigues him.
Computer-Geek is played by Kunio Murai, who was 28-years old in this movie. Murai
would go on to appear in two other Godzilla movies and was still acting as of 2003. He
would be one of the rare cases of avoiding the career-killing curse of this movie. Good
for him.
Just then an alarm buzzer goes off and the aliens freak out to learn that someone is now
playing the "action signal tape". The noise is piped in and it sounds like some bad
synesizer music played at a slow speed. I guess they have some pretty sensitive listening
equipment here to be able to detect when the tape is being played, probably some alien
uber-technology. Computer-Geek gets a little lippy and Kubota has to put him down with
a Vulcan nerve pinch, maybe he's not so willing now. Apparently the monsters on Monster
Island can understand the noise where humans cannot. Charlie X is concerned about that
and tells Kubota that they have to change the computer program now, so they need to
"change Plan Number Three to Plan Number Six." What?
Back to the hippy pad, we see that they are indeed playing the tape. It's a largish
reel-to-reel tape player, which I'm sure was pretty cool in 1972 but just looks goofy now.
They can't figure it out, of course, and turn it off. For the interests of clarity I'll tell
you quickly that the tape noise is designed to "activate" a pair of monsters who are
lurking in outer space to tell them to come to Earth and start stomping. More on this
later.
Ok, now we come to the moment that almost all Godzilla fans love to hate. We cut to
Monster Island to see Godzilla stirring from a nap (swear to god!), having obviously heard
the funky tape music. Angilius is nearby and also has heard it.
Ok, for the first and thankfully last time in the whole series, the monsters actually talk
to one another. (!!!!) Their conversation is warped with bad electronic feedback to
make it sound "monster-y" but I'll give it to you here because it's hard to understand
when you hear it.
Godzilla: "Hey, Angilius!"
Oh, lordy that was lame. Why the producers thought it would be a good idea to have the
monsters talk is beyond me. Perhaps it is the ultimate proof of how far the Godzilla
character had fallen since the original 1954 movie. There, he was a ruthless killer, but by
1972, he was a kid-friendly oversized teddy bear. Uggg, bad.
Since Godzilla just ordered Angilius to go off to far-away Japan to check on a noise he
heard, we can get an idea of the pecking order on Monster Island. Apparently Godzilla
calls the shots here, and one wonders if the other monsters like that or would rather him
go away. I should note here as well that the Godzilla suit looks terrible. There appears
to be hunks of it falling off and it has never looked as stiff and rubbery as it does here.
Truly a sad display and indicative of the lack of money that Toho was putting into these
movies. However, Angilius looks pretty decent, having not had much overuse lately.
Alright, we now go back to Godzilla Tower, where we see Peter coming to bring his
drawings to the builders. He's sporting a yellow hardhat (OSHA approved) but is
wearing the same beige jacket and brown turtleneck that he had on the day before. I
guess then that he slept at the hippy's place, probably after bonging all night with them.
I bet his hot girlfriend was ticked that he didn't come home. I hope he called. Anyway,
Peter goes up the elevator and into the head, where he finds that no one is there.
Curious, he starts to snoop around, opening doors and such.
In one room, oddly just a few feet from the elevator and behind an unlocked door, he
finds a sleeping room. Spying a cigarette lighter, Peter pockets it just before Kubota
walks in. Faking being lost, Peter gets out of trouble and follows Kubota to the control
room.
Ok, obviously the sleeping room is where Computer-Geek is being held captive, though the
security is severely lacking to say the least. We can also see that Peter is a kleptomaniac
at best and a petty thief at least, he just stole some guy's lighter! Perhaps he had some
idea that it belonged to Computer-Geek, but that seems like a leap to me.
Anyway, we now cut back to the hippy's pad, where Peter has given the lighter to
Hippy-Chick. She says it's her brother's, as proved by his initials on the back. A
close-up shows the English letters "T" and "S", so I guess that this was re-shot for the
American audience then? Peter tells them that this is all fishy and doubts that the
builders and Charlie X are really looking for "perfect peace". As they talk, they all eat
some bananas. The sight of young, hot Hippy-Chick eating a banana was almost enough to
cause me a heart attack. It should be noted however, that both her and Hippy-Dude are
still wearing the same clothes they had on the night before. I guess they slept in their
outfits, probably too stoned to care. Either that or all these scenes were filmed in one
day with one outfit and cut into the finished movie later. This is probably the case as the
money was tight.
They decide to go to city hall and see what they can find out about these men who are
building Children's Land. We now get some nifty, though overly long, travel shots of the
streets of Tokyo, from the point of view of a car's driver. The look is very reminiscent
of similar shots in Solaris, which was a much better movie and I have to fight the
urge to watch that one instead. We also get some shots of our heroes walking up and
down the stairs in front of city hall. Since we never see them inside, perhaps the
filmmakers couldn't get permission to film inside and could only do exterior shots. We
do, however, get to see Hippy-Chick run up stairs in her skimpy miniskirt, flashing a whole
lot of sexy thigh, which is definitely worth the price of admission.
That over, we now cut out to the open ocean where we see that Angilius is swimming
towards Japan to investigate the noise that Godzilla heard. One wonders about the
buoyancy of a dinosaur that big, especially one without any visible aquatic adaptations.
Those legs don't look like they would be efficient for swimming, but, then again, neither
do Godzilla's and he seems to get along just fine. We also wonder how Angilius was able
to leave the island without anyone noticing (as we shall see). You'd think that the world
community would be keeping tabs on who was leaving and when. If not, then they deserve
to get stomped.
Back to the hippy pad now, where we hear that they have discovered that the people
behind the theme park are the "Children's International Foundation" and they are
supported 100% by private donations so they can do what they want with the money.
Umm, so they are a non-profit organization, surely they still have some governmental
oversight? Just because you don't make money doesn't mean you can do anything you
like. One also wonders who these private donors are and how this organization pays its
taxes. They also make a point of telling us with a sneer that the corporate HQ of the
foundation is in Switzerland. Do the Japanese have some problem with the Swiss?
They also have learned that both Kubota and Charlie X come from Yamanashi Prefecture,
which is 50 miles west of Tokyo up in the mountains, and they're both Japanese citizens.
They make a big deal about Kubota and Charlie X both being from Yamanashi for some
reason, and decide to drive there and do some checking and snooping.
And off they go, just Peter and Hippy-Dude this time, driving Hippy-Dude's
yellowish-orange Toyota coupe as the sound track gets all bouncy and stuff. They drive
out into the countryside into Yamanashi Prefecture to go to the Charlie X's mother's
house. Here they learn from his mother and a Shinto priest with horribly bad teeth that
Charlie X died a year ago today in a climbing accident. The mother shows them a photo of
her supposedly dead son and it is indeed Charlie X (!!!!) and Kubota is also in the
photo (!!!!). It seems that Kubota was Charlie X's English teacher in Junior High and he
died with him in the accident. The mystery deepens. We also learn that the boy that the
priest knew couldn't have been a child genius, he was in fact "thick as two short planks".
A few notes here. Peter and Hippy-Dude are still (!!!) wearing the same outfits.
During one long tracking shot of them talking, the camera literally jiggles as if the
cameraman bumped the lens on accident. They didn't re-shoot the scene, obviously, and
watching it you wonder why they left in such a gaff. I'm beginning to think that all the
"humans talking" exposition scenes in this movie were filmed in one day, using the same
outfits on the actors and either film or time (or both) were in such short supply that
everything had to be used in one take. We know that Toho was working on a shoestring
budget here, but this is sad.
Anyway, we now cut back to Godzilla Tower control room, were we see Charlie X is
receiving an incoming transmission from Nebula M Spacehunter. It's from "high
command" and it says that they have approved their change of plans. Charlie X then
commands, "Commence sending Action Tape One.", and the game is now afoot.
I should note here that we now get a better look at the Tower control room, and it's
filled with funky stand-up reel-to-reel computer banks and clicking printers. It actually
looks better than anything space-y the series has tried before.
As Charlie X puts the tape on the reel, Computer-Geek demands to know what the tape is
all about. Charlie X says it is a "tape for peace" which will provide a "peace for all".
Computer-Geek is understandably leery. Just then an alarm sounds (?) and an
ascot alien runs in to say that Angilius has entered Sagami Bay. Why there had to be a
blaring klaxon alarm for this we don’t know, and why their fancy alien detection gear
didn't pick up Angilius swimming along on the surface of the ocean until he was almost
ashore also worries me.
And now, finally, we have our first monster mayhem set-piece. Sagami Bay is south along
the coast from Tokyo Bay and quite wide and deep. The Japanese military apparently has
much better detection gear than the aliens, because they knew Angilius was coming and
have a welcoming committee arrayed for him. There was probably a Seventh Fleet SSN
following Angilius all the way from Monster Island, you'd think space-faring aliens could
do better.
A military dispatcher calls for "Mobile Units Two and Four" to move out. For the next
several minutes we see these units deploying to the shore of the bay to take on Angilius.
In total we will see a platoon of four Type 61 tanks, about eight Willys jeeps, two with
searchlights and four with 106mm recoilless rifles, and two or three deuce-and-a-half
troop trucks. The trucks and jeeps carry enough rifle soldiers to perhaps comprise a
company strength unit at the very most.
And we also have a sprinkling of futuristic vehicles with futuristic weaponry. The first
are two "MB-14 Sensha Hybrid" vehicles, which look like tracked self-propelled
howitzers with a twin missile racks on the turret tops. The second is a single "SAR-1"
command and control van with a huge rotating radar dish on the top. The third are two
"CBD Sentry" missile vehicles, which are basically old M2 or M3 series halftracks with
large twin missile racks in the backs. The fourth are two "Type 66 Maser Cannons",
which are large energy cannons mounted on a wheeled chassis. All the names of these
vehicles I got off a Godzilla fan website and, while not canon, will have to do.
All of the "real life" stuff is actual stock footage, not models. The futuristic stuff is all
plastic, of course, and nearly all the shots are stock footage from 1968's Destroy All Monsters and is evidence again
of the lack of both money and originality on the filmmakers' parts. We shall also see
that in the coming battle, a lot of the shots of tanks firing are now plastic models.
As the locals of a village are evacuated, Angilius wades ashore in the darkness of the
night. He looks around at all the military hardware arrayed before him and asks some of
the same questions we have. Like, "Wasn't it broad daylight in some of the previous
scenes of vehicles moving up, but now it's pitch black?" and "How the hell did they know I
was going to come ashore right here?" and finally, "Do those soldiers with the little M14
carbines really think they are going to be of any help?".
These questions go unanswered as the JSDF switches on their spotlights to illuminate
their target. These beams apparently are disorienting for Angilius, as he pauses for a
few seconds before advancing. I can't see how they would bother him at all as close-ups
here of his face show that he has no pupils. Anyway, the military opens fire on him.
We get everything thrown at our monster, tanks, rifles, missiles, everything save the
maser cannons. Tracers arc out and at least eight evident hits blossom flame from his
back and head. Then the two maser cannons open up, shooting zig-zag blue bolts out at
Angilius. At least three beams hit the monster's back, though the explosions are no
different that those of the conventional weaponry. Getting the vibe that he is not
wanted here, Angilius tucks his tail between his legs and wades back out into Sagami Bay
as the military pounds away at him. Damn, the JSDF won!!!!!! Won't see that often, give
Mobile Units Two and Four some medals.
Ok, we cut back to Tower control, were Kubota asks Charlie X what they are going to do
with Computer-Geek. The boy replies coldly, "Now that we know the power of the
earthmen, he's no further use to us, even as a sample." Huh? So they were using
Computer-Geek as a "sample"? Of what? Geekness? And they didn't know the human
race was powerful until they saw the military attack Angilius? How stupid are these
aliens?
We see that Computer-Geek is locked back in his room in the tower. Peter (!!!)
then comes up the elevator and walks up to the locked door. What kind of security does
this place have? Peter is wearing the same outfit again, damn it! Peter converses a bit
with Computer-Geek through the door, but is then confronted by Kubota. Peter manages
to talk his way out of trouble again by playing the fool and leaves on the elevator. But
first Kubota tosses him a pack of cigarettes (!!?!?) with a smile (!!!).
Ok, we follow Peter back to the hippy pad, where a close-up of one of the cigarettes
shows something stuck inside it. Ahh, tricky aliens. He tells Hippy-Chick that her
brother is there but is locked up. We see that Hippy-Chick is now wearing a frilly blue
pant-suit with little white dots, very cute and thankfully something different. This will
prove to be the only costume change for our heroes for the entire movie.
Suddenly the door opens and in walks Kubota and two ascot-wearing henchmen!
Surprised, Peter asks how they found him. Kubota says that there were small radio
transmitters in the cigarette filters. Tricky, but does he carrying bugged cigarettes
around with him all the time for just such an occasion? Kubota then retrieves the tape
and the henchmen pull out these fancy space rayguns, intent on eliminating all the
witnesses. Oh, things look pretty bad for our three heroes.
But then the door opens again (!!!) and in walks Peter's girlfriend Tomoko
(remember?). She's still wearing the same red-checked blouse and white pants she had
on several days ago, though she wears them well, if you know what I mean. This is the
first indication that Tomoko is aware of what Peter has been up to for the last several
days. Considering her earlier attitude to Peter's slacking, we find it odd that she would
be letting him cavort with hippies, and even associate with them herself. The fact that
both her and Peter are still in the same clothes might tell us that they have been staying
with the hippies, enjoying a little "alternative lifestyle".
Anyway, the henchmen turn on her and she goes all Jackie Chan on them (remember, she's
a black belt). She kicks the gun out of one's hand, knees the other in the stomach, and
punches Kubota in the chest. Then she yells at them to get out, and they do!!!!!!!! They run
out the door (!!!), at least one of them clearly still carrying his raygun (!!!!).
Why didn't they just shoot her? The guy with the gun clearly had the opportunity, why
did he turn and run? Stupid aliens. Maybe her clothes stunk so bad after having worn
them for days that the smell was killing them.
The four of them then go to the police to explain all they know. They're being scoffed at
when an alarm starts blaring (enough with the alarms!). A loudspeaker announces that the
control center on Monster Island has detected that Godzilla and Angilius have left the
island and are headed for the Koto district (north of the Tokyo docks where the Godzilla
Tower and Children's Land is located). So, I guess Angilius swam all the way back to the
island to tell Godzilla that he got smacked by the JSDF and now Godzilla's coming to
town to check it out for himself. How, exactly, do they know where they are heading?
Back to the Tower control room for the great revelatory scene, you know, the one where
we the audience find out that the bad guys are aliens. We don't learn a lot here,
however, that will come later. Charlie X flips a switch and an activation signal is beamed
out into space. We get a nifty pulling-away from the planet special effect as we head out
into space to follow the beam.
Out in the cosmos, we see two "diamond-shaped thingies", one glowing red, the other blue.
I assume that inside these thingies are our two enemy monsters. The red one morphs
into King Ghidorah (!!!!) and the blue one explodes to reveal Gigan (!!??), and
they both fly off towards earth. When we first see King Ghidorah he's the singularly
most obvious plastic toy model ever foisted on the viewing public. It's a travesty that
cannot be excused, and I'm sure someone committed seppeku over that one.
We now get a way too long scene of Godzilla and Angilius swimming towards Japan.
Godzilla appears to be doing the breast stroke, really, as the top half of his body is out
of the water and he's thrashing around. Compare this to the swimming scenes in Godzilla 2000 or even the heretical Tri-Star
Godzilla. Again, we can assume that these two are being tracked by the humans as
they head north.
Ok, now back to Children's Land where we see that our four heroes have now become
commandoes in an effort to rescue Computer-Geek. It's dark again, the end of the day,
and we see that they are all wearing the exact same outfits!!!! Well, Hippy-Chick still has
her blue frilly pant-suit on, so I guess it's just the other three that stink so bad. Peter
and Tomoko try to sneak up on Godzilla Tower, dashing through the woods to the base of
the tower. No security patrols around your control center? No intrusion sensors
monitoring your safety? No nothing? These are the dumbest aliens ever.
They decide to take the stairs because the elevator might be too dangerous. Halfway up,
Peter runs out of gas and has to sit. Tomoko berates him, "Are you a man?" and pulls him
up. Great girl. I can say, however, that her butt looks great in those white pants as she
runs up the stairs. Oh, and after running up ten flights, those clothes have really, really
got to reek.
Up top, they see two ascot henchmen go into Computer-Geek's room armed with rayguns.
Tomoko sneaks up behind them and kung-fu chops them down. But alas, they're jumped
by three more armed henchmen along with Kubota. They're led away with hands raised to
the control room. There Kubota lays it all out for them. He says that the three of them
will be used as human receptacles, "uniforms" for more aliens who will be coming down
from space shortly. He also admits that both he and Charlie X are "uniforms", alien
entities using dead human bodies for cover. Ah, so now we know.
And now for the Message. Kubota tells them that they are from a planet very much like
earth, one that was destroyed by ecological disasters and pollution. The "dominant
species" on their planet killed themselves off, leaving the lesser species to inherient the
planet. These aliens here are the ones who took over, and for some reason they are here
to take over the earth to make it their new home. I assume their home world was too far
gone to fully recover and they are looking for virgin ground. As he explains this, we get a
collage of images of modern Japanese problems--factories spewing smoke, cars in
traffic, sludge in the ocean, all that sort of stuff so we get the picture that their planet
is an alegory for our own. This message is not very subtle and we feel like we are being
preached at here.
Now we come to one of the stupidest things I have ever seen (and I have seen The
Hulk). A random lightning bolt (??????) knocks out the power in the tower.
They go to emergency lights and in the shadowy dimness before the main power comes on,
we see that the aliens cast shadows that are cockroach shaped. Yes, that's what
happened. Cockroach shaped in spite of the fact that their physical "uniform" bodies are
human shaped. It just makes no sense whatsoever and nothing can explain it. And how do
you hide your shadow from people? It's just dumb. We are, however, reminded of the
adage that only cockroaches and twinkies will survive the worst of wars and disasters.
Why couldn't they be alien twinkies? That would have been cool.
Anyway, we now cut to what I assume is the Japanese version of NORAD, where a radar
screen shows two blips headed for earth at "Mach 4". They then turn on their "laser
radar" system to get a better look. Laser radar, wouldn't that be for detecting physical
objects? But apparently this laser radar is for picking up sounds (!!!), because all
we get are some squeaks and squawks over a speaker. A general is there and he
identifies one of the sounds as King Gidorah, but the other is foreign to him. At first
that seemed strange, but I'm sure this general was around for Gidorah's last foray into
Japan and must have remembered the sounds. The general calls the troops out to battle,
assuming I guess that the monsters were heading for Japan.
We get another series of plastic model vehicles deploying along roads in the darkness.
The total force we see includes at least the following: two Type 66 maser cannons, two
MB-14 missile tanks, two CBD Sentry missile halftracks, six Type 61 tanks, two trucks
carrying searchlight batteries, a jeep, and two troop trucks. We also see at least two
attack helicopters in the distance supporting the ground forces. Of special note, we see
here a better view of the maser cannons, which while on a wheeled chassis, are towed by
tracked prime movers, a very neat design. This is an impressive force, but with a nation
as big as Japan, they must know exactly where the monsters are going to land or they are
wasting a lot of gas.
And indeed, the monsters are flying to Godzilla Tower as directed by the alien's
activation signal and begin to circle around it at low speed. Charlie X tells us that they
are being controlled by the two tapes being played. They will do his bidding and destroy
Tokyo! Hmmm...how is destroying Tokyo going to make the world better, Mr. Cockroach?
Gidorah here is a mix of reused stock footage and that inexcusable hard plastic model.
In one shot he's moving and thrashing his three heads and wings, and in the next he's a
solid lump of plastic. So very bad. Hey, didn’t anyone in authority wonder why the
monsters first went to Children's Land and circled the tower a few times before going
off to trash Tokyo?
And now they go off to pound Tokyo. And there's some serious pounding, by the looks of
it nearly the entire city has been demolished. As noted before, most of these scenes of
the city being destroyed are made up of stock footage from earlier films, particularly
Ghidrah, the Three Headed Monster. We will try and overlook it for now as we're
getting used to it. Two things do stand out here. A shot of Gigan kicking in a window
display in some shop gives us the impression that the monster is only about a third as tall
as he really is. Also there's one terrible scene where we see a diner being crushed by
Gigan. Inside the diner are two dolls posing as humans. The fact that they're little dolls
is so unbelievably obvious as to defy all doubters. This looks like one of those rehearsal
shots the special effects guys shoot to get the placement of the set right before they
shoot it for real.
Oh, and as we clearly see him smash an Esso and a MobilOil station, we can assume that
they're here to destroy anything that can cause an ecological disaster, such as oil
refineries and industrial facilities and the like. I also read that in the literature on this
movie. Hmmm...I guess the fallout from flaming oil refineries, busted gas lines, melted
nuclear reactors, and the like are less polluting than before they came?
I need to describe Gigan. He's a Godzilla-sized biped, with long curving horns for hands
and feet, a long tail, four stubby dorsal wings, scales, and an avian-type head with spikes
on the top and curving inwards on both sides of the mouth. Most distinctive is the red,
Cylon-like eye piece and the buzz saw implanted vertically in the chest (!!!!). As
the blade only extends a little ways, the buzz saw seems a useless weapon unless the
target is literally being hugged. And those claws look cool, but how is he supposed to pick
anything up? There's a port above his eyes that has been described as a laser beam
emitter, but we never see it fire in this movie, even though in at least one scene it
probably did but they edited it out for some reason. His stats are 213-feet tall and
some 45,000-tons heavy, making him a good match-up for Godzilla.
King Gidorah is familiar to most viewers, but just in case, here's a quick description.
He's a flying version of the Greek Hydra with three heads on three independent necks,
stout legs, a long and thin tail, and large wings. His main weapons are "gravity beams"
from his three mouths, which come out looking like squiggly electrical currents. With
stats of 328-feet tall, a 492-foot wingspan, and a weight of 33,000 tons, Gidorah is
perhaps the most formidable of all the Godzilla universe bad guy monsters.
Ok, now the Japanese Self-Defense Force gets into the act as units begin deploying into
the streets of Tokyo to combat the monsters. We see a weird mix of vehicles, both
stock footage and live action, and both real and plastic. We get two modern Type 61
tanks, and four elderly M4A3E8 Sherman tanks, as well as two katuysha-style rocket
trucks and two jeeps with recoilless rifles. The forces start firing on Gidorah, who fries
two of the Type 61s with stock footage blasts of fire. The Shermans are an odd sight, as
they were retired in the 1960s by the JSDF, leading us to think that they are scraping
the bottom of the barrel in their hopeless fight against these monsters.
Ugg, we now go back to Godzilla and Angilius for a brief moment, as they swim towards
Tokyo. Here, for the second time in this movie, they speak to each other. It is as
follows:
Back to flaming Tokyo, where Gidorah and Gigan are now down at the docks. Gidorah
blasts a cruise liner in the anchorage and a container ship at a pier, while Gigan kicks the
latter as it burns brightly in a cute moment. And now the Japanese Air Force gets a lick,
as we see nine fighter jets roar in to attack Gigan. The jets are F-86F Sabres, long ago
retired in American service but still active in the Japanese inventory. They're each
carrying two under-wing missiles, probably Sidewinder air-to-air missiles. Tracers from
their six .50 caliber machineguns dance and spark off Gigan's hide as at least twenty of
the missiles roar in, all to no effect. The mission is a bloodbath. Gigan lashes out at the
planes with his claws, destroying a total of nine of the Sabres in the battle (!!!).
We get some nice shots of flaming jets crashing into Tokyo Bay, along with copious stock
footage from numerous other movies, including a number of scenes from the original
1954 Godzilla.
We cut now immediately out to open ground. Come on! We were just in the middle of the
city and now we are out in the open? We see two stock footage Type 66 maser cannons
blazing away at the monsters. Two good hits on Gigan's head knock him down, where he
crawls (!!!) behind a line of trees as the masers scythe through them like a
chainsaw. A solid maser blast to Gidorah seems to cause damage to his center head,
before he fries both the maser cannons in geysers of flame and smoke. It seems to me
that the maser cannon is having the best effect on these monsters. Maybe they should
try massing them or something. Gidorah then goes on a shooting spree, melting two more
Type 61s and a SAR-1 radar van, and leaving a field of flames and smoke behind.
And now our two monsters are back in the heart of the city, presumably in the dockworks
south of the Koto district where they first started their rampage. They are busy nuking
oil storage tanks when out of the waters of Tokyo Bay emerge Godzilla and Angilias.
About freakin' time!!!!!!!!! I've sat through over and hour of this drivel to get to our first
monster-on-monster violence! Get on with it!
Just to set up the sides here, lets do a simple size comparison between our four fighters:
Weight:
All sides do some macho chest thumping and "come get some!" gestures, before Godzilla
tackles Gidorah and they both roll to the ground. Back on their feet, Gidorah starts
blasting oil tanks around Godzilla's feet, obviously to singe his toes. Godzilla, not
amused, and Gigan start striking those stupid kung-fu ninja poses that will become
all-too common in the later movies.
Gigan then takes to the air (we never understand how he is able to fly, it sure isn't those
puny wings on his back) and flies towards Godzilla. Godzilla zaps him in the stomach with
an Atomic Fire Breath blast, causing Gigan to crash to the ground in pain. Good shot! As
Godzilla rushes in for the kill, however, Gidorah blasts him with three bolts, one hits him
in the right side of the neck, knocking him off his feet. Ok, the editing gets confusing
here, but apparently Gigan starts wrestling with Angilius while Gidorah continues to blast
oil tanks into fountains of flame. Hard to tell where Godzilla is, probably lost in all that
smoke.
Ah, back to our humans for a bit now. Once Peter and Tomoko went overdue, Hippy-Chick
jumped in the yellow Toyota and raced for...somewhere. She returns fairly quickly with
some gear for her and Hippy-Dude's own rescue attempt. The two of them sneak up to
the base of Godzilla Tower, encumbered with a coil of rope, a duffle bag and a large
scuba-type helium tank (!!!!!). Where the hell did she get all that on short notice?
What does Hippy-Chick do for a living, anyway?
After exchanging signals, from the ground with a flashlight and from the Tower where
the three are now being held back in Computer-Geek's room by a lit cigarette, the hippies
rush into action. Hey, wait a second. Peter lit the cigarette with Computer-Geek's
lighter, the one he stole earlier, don't you think he should give it back to him now?
Anyway, the hippies tie one end of the rope to a secure point and pull out a white weather
balloon from the duffel bag (!!!!) and begin to inflate it with the helium tank
(!!!) until it is about five feet in circumference. Then they tie the other end of the
rope to it and release the balloon and up it goes to be caught by the captives, who simply
open the window in their room (!!!!) and reach out and grab it. All this seems to
have been carefully planned beforehand and we wonder how many James Bond movies the
scriptwriters had been watching. Where's the security? Where's the logic? A window in
a prison cell?
So they use three assenders to slide down the rope to the ground, ok? Without a way to
control their rate of descent, they would crash into the ground at a high rate of speed,
though here they land on their feet nicely. The balloon pops for some reason, alerting the
ascot henchmen, who cut the line, but it's too late. Instead of chasing after them, the
henchmen run and tell Kubota.
Kubota orders them killed and a henchman goes to a console and activates a camera. We
see the yellow Toyota speeding off with our heroes. A press of a button and a bluish
energy beam shoots out of the Godzilla Tower's "mouth" and blows up the car! Damn,
there were hot chicks in that car! Damn you cockroach aliens! But, wait! Our heroes
tricked them (???) and were not in the car, but hiding in the bushes. They wax
poetical about the aliens being "hyptonized by technology" before running away.
What????? How did they get the car to go off on its own? Remote control? A brick on
the gas pedal? And how did they even guess to do this? How did they know that the
aliens were going to try and stop the car? Was this all part of the prearranged escape
plan? Man, these guys are good.
Back to the monster fight, which has now moved back out into a mountainous open area.
Gidorah blasts Godzilla in the chest, staggering him back. Godzilla charges him, grabbing
onto a head before being shoved back to crash into a suspension bridge. The collapsing
bridge and the resulting landslide are a neat effect, as is Godzilla thrashing in the
wreckage of the bridge.
Gigan, meanwhile, is pummeling Angilius, who seems helpless to defend himself. He
eventually scampers over to Godzilla and gives him a look to say, "Help me, man! I'm
getting my ass handed to me over here!". Godzilla then does some ninja poses with Gigan
and the two get it on. Gigan starts it off by kicking a boulder (!!!) at Angilius, who
deflects it to Godzilla, who deflects it back at Gigan, hitting him in the face!!!!!! Like a
Harlem Globetrotters skit out there, boys.
Gidorah blasts the ground around them and Godzilla is knocked off his feet. Gigan moves
in quick and starts to pound the prone Godzilla with his claw-hands. Ummm...then Godzilla
gets to his feet and now he's facing Gidorah. The editing here is choppy and confusing,
but I'm trying, ok? Godzilla then starts kicking and throwing rocks (!!!) at
Gidorah, hitting him several times. Pissed, Gidorah blasts Godzilla in the throat, and then
the beams move down his chest and stomach to his crotch (!!!!). Ouch. Mad now,
Godzilla shuffles his feel like Ali in the corner and charges Gidorah, delivering a series
of punches as heads thrash around shooting energy beams everywhere.
Back to our humans, who have now somehow gained an audience with the general in charge
of the NORAD base we saw before. With monsters ravaging the nation, why this general
has time to see a computer nerd, a cartoonist, a bitchy girlfriend and two hippies is
unknown. All they need is a big dog and a van covered with flowers, and you have a whole
different series. The general claims that they are powerless to stop the monsters, only
Godzilla can save them now. Computer-Geek, perhaps with insider's knowledge, says that
if Godzilla gets too close to the Tower, then the aliens will kill him with that laser beam.
They discuss (the general and our heroes, mind you, not the general and his command
staff of professional soldiers) how to destroy the Tower. They decide that a large scale
attack is out of the question as the monsters are guarding it, but a small team could
penetrate and get inside the Tower (duh, you guys just did it, a team of Special Forces
could do it with their eyes closed). Hmm, and Gidorah and Gigan seem rather busy at the
moment, could they really defend the Tower that closely to prevent a missile strike or
something?
This general, by the way, is played by Gen Shimizu, a veteran Toho actor with some
impressive credits to his name, including High and Low, Yojimbo, and
The Seven Samurai. He was also in 1965's
Godzilla Vs. Monster Zero, playing a similar role as the Minister of Defense.
He has the worst glasses in the civilized world.
Back to the monster fight, Gidorah is using his wings to create hurricane winds to blow
dust in Godzilla's eyes. Distracted, Godzilla doesn't see Gigan flying in at him, claws
flashing. As he passes overhead, a claw gashes into Godzilla's right shoulder, ripping
deeply into the flesh and causing a fountain of red blood to shoot up out of the wound!
This is a whole lot of blood for a Godzilla movie, I think, more than I've ever seen before.
In the early 1970s, the rival Gamera series of movies was out and showing a lot of
gory bloodshed it it's monster fights, so Toho decided that it needed more gore in it's
own fights. This was a trend that would continue into the 1980s.
Godzilla clots pretty fast, as the blood flow stops immediately. Gigan continues to make
passes at Godzilla, knocking him down three more times. Woozy, Godzilla stumbles off
into the mist and smoke. He sees something ahead, but can't believe his eyes. He smacks
the side of his head (!!!) to clear his vision, and we see that he's facing the
Godzilla Tower. A third watching of this movie leads me to see that the bad monsters
were trying all along to lure Godzilla into range of the Tower's laser beam.
Most strangely, it's now daylight outside (!!!) as Charlie X orders the laser to open
up.
This is a powerful beam, indeed, and we see that it just might kill our lizard. In the next
few minutes of pitched action, we'll see at least 28 shots of the laser--22 are misses,
but five hit, two to the face and the other three to the chest. Even the misses are
apparently harmful to Godzilla as he thrashes around on the ground. Godzilla is down!
Sappy music starts playing on the soundtrack and for a moment we fear that this is the
end for our big guy. Say it ain't so, Joe!
Back to the humans now, for the commando assault on the Tower to destroy the laser so
Godzilla can save the planet. We see a seven-man crack team of highly trained Special
Forces soldiers moving through the underbrush towa...wait a minute! Peter,
Computer-Geek, Tomoko and the hippies are here with them?????? Crap. They're still
wearing their standard outfits, Computer-Geek even has his suitcoat still on. While the
women hide behind a tree, the men are lugging ten boxes of explosives marked with
"Danger" and "TNT" in English (??) as well as Japanese. They run up to the
elevator and pile the boxes inside. These aliens deserve to get blow up for their terrible
lack of perimeter security. What's this? The cartoonist has drawn on a large piece of
paper life-sized black-and-white cartoons of our heroes armed with guns? And now they
are putting it in the elevator facing the doors and pushing the button? What's this all
about?
Back at the monster fight, as Godzilla is getting lasered, Gigan and Angilius do battle.
Gigan starts spinning his buzz saw as Angilius charges him. The saw rips into Angilius'
face, splattering the camera lens with bright red blood!!!!! Wow, that was gory for a
Godzilla movie. I'm quite sure that was edited out of the version shown on American
movie screens in 1977.
Back in the Tower, the aliens see that the elevator coming up, and thinking that it is the
good guys again, send four ascot-sporting henchmen with rayguns to meet them. The
door opens and they see the cartoon, thinking it is real, they fire, exploding the boxes of
TNT! What???? This was their plan? Suppose the aliens didn't fire? Did they have an
alternate way of exploding the TNT? Wouldn't a detonator be a better idea? Dumb.
Anyway, it does the trick and the Tower blows up in a mass of flames and secondary
explosions. In the burning wreckage, a mortally wounded, but somehow still alive Charlie
X gives us one great Oscar-worthy dying cockroach scene. As he dies, the aliens
"uniforms" melt away to reveal the inner cockroaches. Very tacky and I'm sure PETA
wants to talk to them about killing cockroaches to make this movie.
Saved from the punishing laser, Godzilla struggles to his hands and knees, clearly still
suffering pain. Now without control from the tapes, Gigan and Gidorah stand there
confused, like they just woke up from a bad dream. Angilius tries to sneak up on
Gidorah, but kicks a rock and an alerted Gihorah blasts him for his clumsiness.
Gigan advances on the now prone again Godzilla and kicks him in the head! He then picks
up the stunned lizard and holds him with one claw while he uses the other to stab him
repeatedly in the forehead!!!! Eight stabs produce a fount of blood and Godzilla slides to
the ground, looking rather bad off. Gigan is one bad mutha.
Gigan then drags Godzilla over to Gidorah and tosses him to the ground at the monster's
feet. Hey, where did Angilius go? Coward. Anyway, Gidorah then slams into Godzilla
with his heads (!!!) sending him flying to smash into the remains of the Tower as
the two bad monsters laugh and gloat. Somehow, this momentary respite serves to
energize and enrage Godzilla, who now jumps up and starts roaring and thumping his chest
as if to say, "Is that the best you got! Bring it on!"
Gigan charges and Godzilla whips his tail around quickly, smacking Gigan in the chest and
knocking him down. Godzilla then jumps on him and punches him six times before Gigan
can smack him off. They are now fully within the grounds of Children's Land, rolling
around and into the buildings. In these final fight scenes, you begin to notice that
Godzilla's suit is falling apart. The suit had been used in the three previous films and had
definitely seen better days.
We now see Angilius, again trying to sneak up on Gidorah, who continues to just stand
there in a daze since his control tape was shut off. Angilius gets in close and bites onto
one of Gidorah's twin tails. Ouch! Gidorah kicks him off and takes to the air. Coming
back down on top of him, Gidorah smacks Angilius around some. Angilius bites onto one
of the necks then, and Gidorah takes off again, actually lifting the 33,000-ton Angilius
up in the air!!!! One of the heads bites Angilius, forcing him to let go and fall back-first
to the ground with a thud. This entire sequence with Angilius and Gidorah was entirely
lifted from Destroy All Monsters, and the
attempt to make it appear to be occurring at night, rather than during the day via a
cheap camera trick fails miserably. As Destroy
All Monsters was released only four years before, certainly everyone in the
audience recognized the footage as being swiped from that movie. One can only imagine
the audience groans and catcalls.
Meanwhile, Godzilla has gotten the upper hand on Gigan and is now sitting on top of him,
bouncing up and down with his butt in a move that my older brother used on me many
times. He then smacks him in the head a few times before turning his attention to
Gidorah. To add insult to injury, Godzilla drags his tail across Gigan's face as he walks
off.
Godzilla wrestles with Gidorah a bit, scoring a few punches, before Gigan gets to his feet
and takes to the air. Godzilla, seeing the fast approaching Gigan, crouches down, letting
Gigan slam into Gidorah instead. Pissed, Gidorah blasts him a few times. Dumb monsters,
it's like playing Doom and tricking the cyber demon and the giant spider into killing each
other.
Ok, Godzilla and Angilius now form a plan. As the two bad monsters continue to swing at
each other, Angilius works his way behind Gidorah. Turning his back to the enemy,
Angilius launches himself backwards (!!!!!), slamming his spiked shell into Gidorah's
back (!!!), knocking him into Gigan. Cool! That might have been the best monster
fight move ever!
Gigan then attempts to fly away, but Godzilla Atomic Fire Breath blasts him in midair,
crashing him into a building. He blasts him again while he's down, but Gigan takes off
again. Is he trying to retreat from the battle? It's not clear, but Godzilla again Atomic
Fire Breath blasts him out of the sky, this time crashing into a bridge.
Godzilla then turns back to Gidorah, who is facing off against Angilius. Sneaking up
behind him, Godzilla reaches around and pins all three heads down, essentially holding
Gidorah in a full-Nelson. Thus held, Angilius does the backwards flying attack thing
three more times, ramming his spiked back into Gidorah's exposed belly. Ouch! Godzilla
then flips Gidorah over his head and onto the ground twice!!! Well, actually they just
re-ran the same clip twice in two seconds. He then stomps on one of the necks four times
before Gidorah somehow manages to take to the air again. Gigan follows him into the sky
and they both fly off, presumably back to outer space to await a sequel.
Godzilla roars in celebration and gives us the "mouth wipe of victory". Very nice.
Godzilla then gives us a really strange, plaintive face as he watches the fleeing monsters,
kind of like he's saying, "Hey, guys, are you coming back? Guys? Hey, I wanna play some
more!"
As our humans say, "Good bye!", Godzilla and Angilius walk away and swim back to
Monster Island. The end, credits roll, sickly music plays, good night, turn out the lights
when you leave.
Bonus! Some stats for the fans:
7: Number of cigarettes smoked by our cast.
Confirmed losses by the Japanese Military:
Written in May 2004 by Nathan Decker.
Shukra, the monster of
homework! (NOTE: I cut in screen caps from a beautiful 2004 TriStar DVD of this movie in January '08 to replace those fuzzy VHS-rip caps I had before)
Peter.
Tomoko (yum).
Godzilla Tower.
Kubota.
Map of the park.
Mamagan, the monster
of strict mothers.
Peter's stylin' Nehru
Jacket, circa 1973.
Charlie X.
Charlie X's calculations.
Hippy-Chick.
Hippy-Dude.
"It's just corn, man."
Computer-Geek.
Godzilla!
Angilius!
Angilius: "What do you want?"
Godzilla: "Something funny is going on. You better check!"
Angilius: "Ok!"
Godzilla: "Hurry up!"
Hippy pad.
Angilius swimming.
The photo of the supposedly
dead Charlie X and Kubota.
High-tech tape reel.
Type 61 tank on the move.
The pack of smokes.
King Ghidorah!
Gigan stomping Tokyo.
Not Gigan.
Gigan.
Godzilla: "Hey, Angilius! Come'on, there's a lot of trouble ahead!"
(Pause)
Godzilla: "We must go on that way!" (points)
Angilius: "Okay!"
Height:
Godzilla: 164 feet
Angilias: 200 feet
King Gidorah: 328 feet
Gigan: 213 feet
Godzilla: 20,000 tons
Angilias: 33,000 tons
King Gidorah: 33,000 tons
Gigan: 45,000 tons
The weather balloon.
The Godzilla Tower laser
beam.
TNT boxes.
That's gotta burn...
9 F-86F Sabre jets
2 Type 66 Maser cannons
4 Type 61 tanks