Carnage Meter!
Aragorn
The Semi-Official Aragorn Carnage Meter
On the heels of my James Bond Carnage Meter and John Rambo Carnage Meter, I present to you, my tens of loyal readers, the Semi-Official Aragorn Carnage Meter!
Unless you have been living in a Unibomber shack in the Montana hills since 1998, you are aware that Aragorn is the long-haired, scruffy-faced, steely-eyed hero of the three Lord of the Ring movies. Men want to be him, women swoon at his rugged studliness, and Orcs die in droves at his feet.
Watching the movies carefully, with near-constant use of my DVD player's slo-mo feature, we see that Aragorn is not only slaying the hearts of captivating young maidens. He is also slaying, and hacking, and slashing, and mangling, massive amounts of bad guys. This being a fantasy setting, Aragorn cannot rely on fancy machineguns or flamethrowers, but has to do all the dirty work up close and personal. With his trusty sword and bow, he wades into battle with fury and skill. Very impressive, a true killing machine.
General Note: I am going to separate kills from woundings, though what constitutes a wound is debatable. Any puncture or slashing from a edged weapon or a projectile on an Orc will likely prove fatal, even if it takes a while. There are no MASH units in the Orc Army and they tend to eat their own wounded anyway. Even, so, if I can't be sure that a solid kill was made (such as a punch to the face or an arm hit), then I will count it only as a wound. On the occasions that multiple people engage a target, such as a Cave Troll, if a character gets a hit, but does not directly cause the death of the creature, then I will give him a wound credit. With the frenetic nature of the fighting in this movie, I might miss a kill or two, or more probably count a kill as a wound. This is the best I can do so be happy.
Go back to my Million Monkey Theater for more good stuff, please and thank you.
The Fellowship of the Ring (2001):
During the flight from Brie...
In the Mines of Moria...
In the woods along the river shore past the Argonath...
The Two Towers (2002):
In the Great Hall of Rohan...
During the ambush on the way to Helm's Deep...
During the epic battle of Helm's Deep...
The Return of the King (2003):
During the battle on Pelennor Fields...
During the battle before the Black Gates...
Totals for all three movies :
Wounds 1 River Kraken
And that's that, thanks for reading.
Written in November 2004 by Nathan Decker
Kills 1 deer
Wounds 1 River Kraken
Wounds 1 Cave Troll
Kills 3 Orcs
Wounds 3 Orcs
Kills 2 Uruk-Hai
Kills 9 Orcs
Wounds 7 Orcs
Wounds 5 Rohan warriors
Kills 1 Warg
Kills 2 Orcs
Wounds 2 Orcs
Kills 21 Orcs
Wounds 10 Orcs
Kills 6 Orcs
Wounds 5 Orcs
Wounds 1 Cave Troll
Kills 2 Orcs
Wounds 2 Orcs
Wounds 2 Cave Trolls
Kills 1 Warg
Kills 2 Uruk-Hai
Kills 43 Orcs
Wounds 29 Orcs
Kills 1 deer