Today I'll be reviewing a made-for-TV movie from 1999, one of the multitude of
quickly-produced and barely-marketed small screen films, usually starring some B-
list actors looking for work and featuring the bottom of the bucket in special
effects, that tend to be forgotten within days after they appear at three in the
morning on your local NBC affiliate, replacing that infomercial on vegetable
slicers. Storm is clearly one of those movies, but was good enough (or bad
enough) to keep my attention to the closing credits, which is harder to do than you
This film comes to me via the dollar elcheepo bin at Wal-Mart, where the skinny DVD
box was titled Storm Tracker, but the in-movie title card just read
Storm. This sort of thing is fairly common with these public domain
releases, but it still irks me that they can't even get the damn title right.
Also, the DVD box art shows a gaggle of Harrier jumpjets (which aren't in the
movie, which further pisses me off because I like Harrier jumpjets) and a C-130
Hercules exploding (even though that plane isn't in our movie, either), which makes
me wonder if anyone at the distribution company even bothered to watch the movie.
Anyway, let's make it happen...
Our movie open on August 23, 1992, as a piddly little tropical storm named Andrew
is churning along peacefully in the Atlantic Ocean. We see a US Air Force weather
plane approaching the storm, common practice in hurricane season when real-time
data is of vital importance to the plywood department of Home Depots across the
southeast. This plane, however, is different from the normal benign flights as
it's not here to take wind and water data, but to conduct a super-secret
experiment. The plane (a Fairchild C-123 Provider cargo hauler in a mix of new
footage, stock footage, computer graphics, and model work) launches an instrument
probe inside a modified Tomahawk cruise missile. The probe is deployed within the
relatively-calm air of the eye of the storm, hanging stationary on the end of a
The storm chaser plane.
The probe pops open and begins to create some sort of "ion effect", causing the
temperature of the tropical storm to increase dramatically, which boosts the wind-
speed enough to make it a huge hurricane. The test is to see if this new
technology can increase or decrease a storm's strength at will--weather
manipulation on a grand, and humanity-quaking, scale.
The probe in operation.
Things go wrong quickly, however, as they tend to do when you mess with Mother
Nature. The probe goes haywire, the command controls fail, the plane is hit by
lightning and explodes, and the once harmless Tropical Storm Andrew becomes the
frightening-awesome Category 5 Hurricane Andrew. Miami is not going to like this
one at all. Neat trick, by the way, basing your movie around a real-life natural
disaster, very Clive Cussler-like.
Oh, that's not going to end
Behind the opening credits we get scenes from that famous 1992 hurricane, as it
stomped across the peninsula like the finger of God. Stock footage is the sugary
sweet candy that has always tempted cheapass movie directors. Back in the day film
studios had libraries full of stock footage clips that could be raided, but today
we have the internet and bit torrent, which allows even the most talentless hack
director to spice up his crappy movie with stock footage from much better movies.
These clips are often public domain, thus free for the taking, but you often see
smaller productions taking the chance to steal copyrighted clips, hoping to fly
under the legal radar. I ramble on because Storm is chock full of stock
footage, both in this opening sequence and later towards the climax. It looks like
most of it came from the Weather Channel or maybe CNN, which is vastly cheaper than
filming it yourself.
Somebody is losing royalties
On now to the "present day", to the campus of the University of Miami. Here we
meet our film's Hero, a dashing meteorology professor named Doctor Ron Young, one
in a long line of seemingly-dorky academic scholars who end up being action heroes
in lame disaster movies. Ron is played by 34-year old Luke Perry, earning a little
spending cash while on mid-season break from his insanely popular role of Dylan on
Beverly Hills 90210 (admit it, you watched it).
Ron, looking like cousin Ira
from Mad About You.
Ron is giving a lecture on hurricanes to a full room of vaguely disinterested
college kids. He's got these satellite photos showing weird "hot spots" that have
popped up in recent hurricanes across the globe in the last few years. He has no
theories, but suggests that it's in need of research. This is a bit of
foreshadowing, though it zips past quickly.
Ron has a very small stick.
Remember in Raiders of the Lost Ark when a
co-ed gets all googly-eyed for Professor Jones while in class? Well, they
"recreate" that scene almost verbatim with this little Patricia Heaton-lookalike.
Ok, Ron has a research associate named Brian who he is working with on some
project. Brian is played by Marc McClure, who was Jimmy Olsen in all those Chris
Reeves Superman movies from the 1980s. Here he's a bit of a free-love
counter-culture hippy, kind of like if Jimmy Buffet was your professor (which,
admittedly, would be fucking awesome).
Ron and Brian have designed a ground-breaking invention called a "vorticity
generator", with which they believe they can "pull" a storm in any direction they
want to. The idea is that the machine, which is small enough to be towed behind a
light plane on a line, creates a "low pressure trough" which the storm will
naturally follow like a bowling ball down a gutter. We see the first test of this,
with Ron flying a little Cessna into a raging gale as Brian pounds the keyboard.
The test is a success, the storm is pulled along, and they both celebrate.
Reeling out the probe from the plane, see how it
generates that spiffy electrical vortex? And, no, I don't have any idea what that
means, so save your emails.
Love that old school
However, their buzz is killed quickly, and Ron and Brian end up having the worst
day ever. Their unauthorized, too-close-to-restricted airspace flight has brought
down the unholy wrath of the Federal Aviation Administration. Ron loses his pilot's
license on the spot. Worse still, his boss at the U of Miami has had it with Ron's
"reckless stunts" and pulls his research grant. Now unemployed, they are in a
FAA goon comes out in the rain to tear up his
pilot's license right then and there, which I really don't think is how the process
works, I'm sure there's some paperwork involved. [Editor Pam: I believe there
normally is, but I suspect when you move storms around with your airplane, the FAA
skips some steps. I'm not sure, though, my flight instructor forgot to tell me
There is nothing wrong with
two grown men hugging in the rain.
Salvation comes in the form of a man named Tom Holt, who is head of security for
"Zephyr Weather Dynamics", a Los Angeles-based government-contracted company that
works with the weather. Tom comes to see Ron, saying that his bosses have read his
doctoral dissertation on storm manipulation and want to hire him and blank-check
fund his research. Since Ron is currently unemployed, he takes the job without
blinking. His research partner Brian can't go (family responsibilities, ie nagging
wife), so Ron goes alone. Out to sunny southern California now for the rest of our
film (though the first 17 minutes were surely filmed there anyway).
Tom, the dude from LA.
Hugging again. I'm not
making any value judgments here, I promise.
The first person Ron meets in LA is the head of the program, a USAF General (it
seems half the staff of Zephyr are active-duty Air Force personnel and the rest
civilian contractors). General James Roberts is played by 59-year old Martin
Sheen, who quite frankly had been in a horrid slump since 1993's Gettysburg.
As this stinker was being released on late-nite television, however, Sheen had
just landed the role of the President on a brand new television series called
The West Wing (wonder how that worked out for him...).
The General, looking a bit
Ron and the General talk about storms and such, the General is quite well informed
on Ron's experiments and is keenly interested in seeing them succeed. The General
seems legit here, a truly concerned man who wants to fund and support the kind of
research that might "make a difference in the world". But, in every movie ever
made, the words of the evil military/industrial complex are always duplicitous and
we are sure that the General has something sinister up his sleeve. The General
takes Ron down to the lab where he shows off the "ion generator", which is that
probe from the prologue that they were using to boost storms.
The ion generator probe in all its shiny metallic
glory. Ron isn't told of its purpose, though.
Zephyr has its own airfield onsite, with a fleet
of C-123 weather planes.
Next, Ron meets the genius who designed the probe, a Doctor Daniel Platt. Platt is
an intense man, despite his love of pastel polo shirts, and alternates between
being a deeply conflicted moralist and a stark raving mad idealist. While a
civilian, he's clearly second in command behind the General.
Doctor Platt there in the
Ron then is sent out to the tarmac to meet a test pilot named Major Goodman, who
will be flying the plane with Ron's experiment onboard. We have some forced, and
wincingly painful, comedy when Ron discovers that the pilot is actually a woman
(gasp!). His shock at seeing that a female (a cute one to boot) is capable of
flying a plane (or doing anything other than make a sandwich or tie on a leather
corset) is played for laughs, but it really makes you want to smack him hard.
Major Tonia Goodman, channeling Tasha Yar, who
herself is channeling a young Hillary Clinton, who often looks like Rebecca de
Mornay, the thought of which just killed off twenty years of sexual fantasies for
Hey, Ron, do you know that women make better
fighter pilots than men? Ask Israel or Russia.
At his swank company-paid apartment, Ron talks with Brian on the phone. Brian is
not happy with being left behind, though his complaints are good-natured. He digs
Brian for becoming a "California boy" and asks him if he's seen his ex Andrea, who
moved to Los Angeles right after they broke up to get a reporter job. As fate
would have it, Ron turns on the TV to see Andrea reporting live from a bikini
contest down at the beach! Ron offers mortal insult to Casablanca by
muttering "of all the TVs in all the world, why'd she have to pop up on mine?".
But, really, shouldn't he have guessed, that's what she left Florida to do, right?
I swear this is what my
Asian Civ professor looked like. In class.
Andrea on the telly,
looking all hot with her Rachel Green haircut.
And now we have a "training montage" set to a stirring instrumental number, as we
see sound-less clips of Ron working on computers, Ron working on the probe, Ron
talking with people, that sort of stuff to show us that he's fully into his job.
Actually, a little too into his job, it seems, as we see him get chewed out by
Doctor Platt for "pushing the envelope". Ron keeps asking questions about the true
nature of this project and why everyone is so hyper-sensitive about security. The
security head Tom is not happy with Ron's curious civilian attitude but the General
tells him Ron is "a good kid".
Ron uses a protractor to plot his course across
the Atlantic to discover the Indian spice islands.
They make this big deal about how Ron has a "car
phone", which shows how rich and "Californian" he is (for 1999). Of course, now
every 7-year old kid has a cellphone.
Doctor Platt is a perfectionist who doesn't accept
mistakes. And he looks like Harry Belafonte.
Having a little down time, and probably jonesing for some booty, Ron goes to the
local KLAZ television station to see his old flame Andrea. Andrea is played by 32
-year old Renee Estevez, who happens to be Martin Sheen's (the General) daughter
(what, you never heard of her? Neither have I, though now she's taken over the
title of "most disappointing Sheen kid" from Joe). Ron is clearly looking to
reconnect with Andrea, but she's currently boinking the vacuous (but fabulously
coiffed) news anchor, so he's out of luck.
Andrea gives Ron one of those "you fucking
bastard, why did you have to come back into my life now with your sexy sideburns
and inordinately high forehead, just when I had finally gotten over you?"
Andrea and her meatstick
Ok, on to the first test flight of Ron's hurricane-dragging machine. A tropical
storm is brewing over the Pacific and the team's C-123 takes off to run the
experiment on it. The first test is a success, Ron is able to pull the storm's
path where he wants it, just like he did back in Florida with Brian. But when the
Air Force guys aboard try and make a hurricane out of the tropical storm with the
probe's ion generator, they lose control. Ron freaks out, he has no idea what is
going on, wasn't even aware that they even had the ability to increase the storm's
power until this very moment! Why didn't they let Ron know about this? Need to
know, top secret eyes only? Seems pointless to keep him out of the loop as he's the
lead scientist on the most important part of the experiment. Anyway, they shut
down the test, reduce the hurricane back to a tropical storm and call it a day.
During this pre-flight pep talk the General says
"Get up there and kick that storm's (bleep)", with the last word edited out. I
realized here that my copy of this film must have been censored by a fanatical
Mormon, as even a word as innocuous as "ass" had to be removed to protect my
virginal ears. Odd, though, that they didn't dub over something like "tail" or
"hiney" instead of just cutting it out and leaving a dead space.
The ALCM delivers the probe
into the storm's eye.
Some of the many passable-ish computer screen
graphics we see in this movie.
Back on the ground, Ron and Doctor Platt and the General get into it over the exact
nature of the ion generator. The General flat out tells Ron that it's been
designed solely for military uses, which Ron should have really figured out by now.
The General wants to be able to "engage hurricanes" and send them at enemy
targets, inflicting Hiroshima-level destruction on some offending enemy coastal
city without the nasty side effects of six-armed mutant-spawning radioactive
fallout. He claims that America HAS to corner the market on this ability before
"some power-hungry dictator or cold-blooded terrorist" gets it first and messes
with our place as the world's sole remaining superpower (for now, watch China).
Ron is suitably appalled at this, though he seems to be totally ignoring the fact
that the General is, in essence, completely right. This is a nasty, brutish world,
and there are any number of nations/religions/militaries/World of Warcraft forum
groups out there who would gladly use whatever is at their disposal to ravage the
Jesus-fearing, pizza-eating, Red State heartland of our fair nation. [Editor
Pam: It would make for some interesting wars, though, if each side had the
capability to send hurricanes at each other. The resulting devastation and its
aftereffects might be even worse than Hiroshima. Can they really aim a storm so
precisely as to hit only one city, then decrease it before it causes unwanted
damage? I doubt it.]
God fucking bless America!
Later, Ron asks for more information from Major Goodman but is shot down (though
there is some serious smoldering sexual tension between them). Ron then calls
Brian back in Florida. Brian has determined that the "same heat signature" that
was in Hurricane Andrew in 1992 has also showed up in Hurricanes George and
Katherine since then, suggesting a disturbing pattern. He further relates the
story of Hurricane Katherine's uncharactistically brutal swamping of "Amsterdam
Island", which was a place that refused a US government request to base bombers
there during the "Gulf War". Brian says that after the freak storm the USAF took
the place over and it's now "a B-52 parking lot". The assumption, of course, is
that the General and his team have been deliberately sending hurricanes to smack
around unruly island nations.
Major Goodman's half-nekkid upper back is the sole
porn in this entire movie, which is kinda sad.
Ron on the phone with Brian, his long distance
bill must be staggering.
Ron is the curious sort, and he has many more questions than answers. Since no one
on the project will tell him anything other than the rah-rah company line, he takes
matters into his own hands and sneaks into Doctor Platt's office after-hours,
bluffing his way past the criminally-lax security. After accessing Platt's
computer desktop (using his kids' names as the password) he learns the next
hurricane "test" will in fact send a massive storm directly into northern Mexico
for some reason. The next day at work, Ron confronts Platt about this. Platt
blows him off, saying that the storm is being sent to "Diablo Valley", the driest
place on Earth to help the locals who are suffering from a drought. Sounds noble,
but Ron suspects that he's lying.
I googled the hell out of this (for legitimate
research purposes!) and there is no Boudoir nudie magazine. And check the
back cover, it looks like a photo of some Cambodian rice farmers.
Is this suggesting that
this is the real-life 28th Operational Weather Squadron?
Ron and Platt discuss the weather and what the
lyrics of the Banana Boat Song actually mean.
That night Ron takes time off from saving humanity to score a date with the
heretofore untouchable Major Goodman. After a night of Jose Cuervo and Applebee's
take-out, he wakes up hungover and alone to the phone ringing. It's his old buddy
Brian's distraught wife, it seems Brian was killed in a suspicious car accident
near their home in Florida. Before he can think about this too much, the doorbell
rings. It's the local LA cops and they want to question Ron about the fact that
his car was involved in a fatal hit-and-run last night!
In an odd Top Gun parallel universe, the
chick rides the bike and picks up the scientist.
Tequila is a bitch, and she just stole your Green
Day CD and scribbled "Midget Dick" in sharpie on your wall.
Ron shakes off his hangover quickly and realizes that he's being framed (though he
seems to forget about the death of his friend, which is never again mentioned in
the movie). He fakes being sick, goes to the bathroom, and sneaks out the window.
He's now firmly crossed over the line and is a wanted felon. He gets to a payphone
and calls his old lover Andrea, asking her to come pick him up. In the car, Ron
asks Andrea what she knows about the "political situation in Mexico". Andrea notes
that Mexico is considering nationalizing their oil industry, which would bankrupt a
lot of US oil companies and cause the President's sphincter to tighten noticeably.
Ron then cryptically tells her to watch this tropical storm currently brewing off
the coast Mexico, it's sure to be a "big story".
Ron is on the run.
Ron and Andrea chat in the car, I wonder if she
knows she's aiding and abetting a felon?
That's a nice CLK.
Then, proving once again that women are stupid when it comes to love, Andrea just
gives Ron her car, no questions asked. Ron takes it to Zephyr Dynamics and jumps
over the fence in a secluded spot. Penetrating the wafer-thin perimeter security,
he makes his way to the pilot locker rooms. There he confronts Major Goodman, sure
that she had something to do with his being framed for that hit-and-run. The good
major feigns innocence, but we can tell she's sneaky. Ron doesn't have time to ask
anything more as he's jumped and beat down by Tom, the security chief, who along
with looking good in a suit is also pretty good with his fists.
Ron adds unlawful entry and
trespassing to his list of crimes.
Didn't teach you self-
defense in meteorology school, eh, Ron?
Ok, Doctor Platt went in Ron's place on the flight for the latest test. Out over
the Pacific, they are now building a hurricane and angling to send it to Mexico to
smash things up real good like. Ah, but they lose control of it and it begins to
shift south towards the open sea! But it's not an accident, as Platt has seen the
error of his god-playing ways and turned Good Guy. He locks out ground control,
overrides the doohickies, and twiddles with the widgets, determined to send the
hurricane away from land. Down at the base, the General is going ballistic. He
brings in Ron, who is in handcuffs (he has been held since being caught). Ron
correctly says he or they can't do a thing to stop Platt from the ground.
A fairly impressive flat screen monitor shows the
hurricane's initial path towards Mexico.
The General and his bouffant hair looks on
impassively as thousands of tortilla salesmen and donkey show girls face impending
The situation completely out of hand now, the General then picks up the phone and
puts into effect "Special Order Zulu 29", which commands the Clone Troopers to kill
all the Jedi knights (or maybe orders some dude on the airplane to "relieve Doctor
Platt from duty", not sure which). A wicked gunfight erupts onboard the plane,
resulting in poor Doctor Platt being killed, a nice clean-cut crewman being
injured, the plane's hydraulics system damaged, and a mean old Lieutenant now in
control of the probe.
The Lieutenant should know better than to
discharge a firearm inside an airplane.
A stray bullet creates a leaking hydraulics line,
which is never a good thing.
Ron then gets a rambling, incoherent lecture from the General about the nature of
greed and national security. Martin Sheen gobbles up scenery like a hungry gator
here, waving his arms around and pacing about the room while ranting on everything
from gas prices to the constitution and from presidential politics to starvation in
Bangladesh. It's a work of bravura oratory that of course fails to sway Ron over
to "the cause".
Gordon Gekko would be
Back aboard the plane, the injured clean-cut crewman sees a puddle of leaking
hydraulic fluid and shows his displeasure by igniting it with a cigarette lighter!
Why he chooses suicide here is totally beyond me, this guy hasn't had one single
line all movie and was only in the background for a few scenes, but suddenly
becomes Boromir with a zippo. Anyway, the plane goes ka-blooey.
Wasn't aware that hydraulic
fluid was so combustible.
For some reason unsaid, the still-swinging probe is now locked on a new course,
northwards towards Los Angeles! The mechanism of this probe, which is free-
floating and unpowered, confuses me. How is it supposed to drag this massive
hurricane anywhere when it has no way of moving itself? The first test of the
thing way back in Florida used a plane to tow the probe along, taking the storm
with it, but here there seems no way this is happening. Anyway, whatever. The
General now needs Ron something fierce. Ron is willing to help to save LA, but to
do so he has to go out there himself.
Major Goodman and Ron will go up in another C-123 (they have a lot of them) to try
and reacquire control of the probe. Tom the security man will also go along to
make sure Ron doesn't do anything dumb.
I don't know what they are looking at, neither of
them know what is going on either.
Smug bastard, only he can save Spagos, and the
Laker Girls, and Seal Beach, and Jessica Simpson's house.
Back in Los Angeles, intrepid reporter Andrea is working the angle as news comes of
the now-named Hurricane Elizabeth approaching. The hurricane has blossomed into a
civilization-killing Category 5 and will be here in six hours. In the midst of
this catastrophe we are inflicted with some of the most out-of-place Komedy bits
you can imagine! There are jokes about Eddie Bauer, jokes about hair cream, gay
jokes, Hollywood insider jokes, even jokes about fat people. Oiy! It's like the
second unit director was a frustrated sit-com writer who was given far too much
A bubbly blonde bimbo, a jolly fat guy, and a gay
Jewish guy walk into a bar...
We now get numerous scenes of people freaking out and running around. Mixed in with
that are probably ten minutes of assorted stock footage of real-life storms, all
stolen from news outlet archives and stitched together with cheesy graphics to make
it look like Southern California. They even rip off that admittedly awesome scene
in Deep Impact when the 500-foot wave comes looming up over the horizon
(such an underrated movie).
Location shooting at its
Meanwhile, Andrea is still on her quest to find the "big answers". She does some
pre-google research on the General, pounding the phone lines to her "inside sources
at the Pentagon". It seems the General made a name for himself back in Vietnam
when he ran a top secret weather control program to make the Viet Cong's rice
paddies even wetter than they already were. She also discovers that the General is
officially retired! Ah, I see, he retired to run some sort of Top Secret Black Ops
Weather Manipulation Program, probably funded by the spooky CIA, I'd say.
Andrea's attempts to use the nascent internet's
1999 search engine functions are derailed when she stumbles upon the Usenet
Back on the plane, they make it into the eye of the hurricane and circle the
floating out-of-control probe (never mind the impossible difficulties in
penetrating a Category 5 hurricane in a rickety 30-year old plane). Ron starts
punching in codes on his computer, but is denied! Platt locked them out before he
got killed and he can't get into the program to disable the probe. Ron says he can
do it manually, but that means he has to get his hands physically on the probe.
They hatch a crazyass plan to snag the probe-to-balloon cable with the leading edge
of the wing, outboard of the starboard engine. The pilot Goodman isn't happy with
the real prospect of the wing being sheared off, but agrees as it's the only chance
they have to save Los Angeles (though a hurricane would improve the smog situation
and maybe run all those homeless bums out of Marina del Ray).
Ron realizes they have no
choice but to snag it.
And snag it they do, after
slowing down to almost stall-speed.
Violating virtually every law of motion, momentum, gravity and the load-bearing
structural integrity of the plane's wing, the major then banks the C-123 around in
a tight curve, causing the probe to swing around towards the open cargo ramp. On
this ramp, Ron stands, tethered to the hold, a parachute on his back. Ron manages
to grab the free-floating probe and hold onto it long enough to open an access
panel and type in the deactivation code (sure). Then, and this looks even more
dumb on film than I can type it, Ron slips and falls out of the plane! He grabs
onto the probe, holding on for dear life like he's Slim Pickens before climbing
back aboard through sheer arm muscle strength and camera tricks.
Ron attempts to snag the probe using just his wits
and a carabiner. Don't mind the fact that the probe is supposedly pumping out
heat-generating ions at a certainly-lethal rate and he's about to hug it like he's
Ron dangles behind the plane on the probe, which
has suddenly shrunk from being about 20 feet long in previous scenes to now being
about 5 feet long.
Ron's troubles aren't over. Tom pulls a gun and orders Ron to send the hurricane
back to Mexico (using the still-working storm-dragging function of the probe, which
is still being towed along behind the plane, got it?). There's a fistfight then,
with both dudes struggling for the gun right on the lip of the open cargo deck.
Since he's Carter Burke from Aliens, Tom takes the plunge, sans parachute.
Ron barely has a moment to breathe when Major Goodman also pulls a gun and orders
him to do the same thing! Why the hate?!
Why can't a man lay on top
of another man without people saying stuff?
Shadowing and lighting can
really set a scene, eh?
Now, the major put the plane on autopilot so she could come back to the cargo hold
with the gun, ok? Ron peeks ahead and sees that the probe, still twisting in the
wind, has now swung around ahead of the plane and they are heading right for it!
After tossing out a snarky one-liner, Ron runs and jumps out of the plane just
seconds before it hits the probe and explodes in an improbably huge fireball of
twisted metal. Damn, just like in Die Hard!
He had a parachute on,
Ok, enough of this, it's late and I need to wrap this up so I can get some sleep.
It turns out that the General was part of some "renegade wing of the CIA",
operating out of the public eye and spending your taxpayer dollars on his crazy
schemes. The General dies in a car accident before he can be called to testify at
senate hearings and everything pretty much goes away. Ron and Andrea get back
together and make cute babies.
[Editor Pam: Okay, I know I've brought up this point over and over in these
reviews, but how do a few renegades command the massive amount of funding it would
take for a research project of this magnitude? The money has to come from
somewhere, and this much money leaves a very big trail. Even if somebody important
decided that this kind of research was a good idea and provided funding, did nobody
involved in getting the General the money think it might be a bad idea to let him
send devastating hurricanes to anywhere he didn't happen to like? I mean, were the
scientists working on the Manhattan Project allowed to test their bombs wherever
As the storm dies, the fine citizens of LA
(including these mutants) come out to survey the damage and light up a
Remember when Dylan cheated on then-girlfriend
Brenda with Brenda's best friend Kelly? Good times, good times.
Written in September 2008 by Nathan Decker
and edited by Pam Burda.