Ok, first a word of caution: this will not be a normal review. This is because when I opened my avi-burned-to-DVD/R copy of 1986's Robot Holocaust, much to my horror I discovered that for some inexplicable reason I can't figure out, the sound didn't work. The picture was fine, but no sound coming from the speakers (and yes, I downloaded Xvid 1.1.3 and still nothing...). So I thought "Damn!" because I really wanted to do this legendary crappy post-apocalyptic movie. But then a bolt of revelation hit me...why not review it anyway, even without the sound? What have I got to loose?

On to the show!

Ok, we open with a pan across a cityscape. I assume we have a voice-over at work here, but I'll just have to wing it. Hmm...looks very much like New York City, but from an odd angle, maybe from across the river in Queens or someplace. Hey, that's the Chrysler Building! So this is New York City. Ok, fine, but I don't see any obvious damage to any of the skyscrapers, so whatever caused society to collapse (our "holocaust") certainly wasn't a nuclear war. This is supposed to be a post-apocalyptic movie, right? I didn't accidentally put in Home Alone 3 or anything, did I?

New York.
Ok, we cut inside a building now. Looks like an old abandoned warehouse, lots of trash and dirt and broken stuff lying around. Ah, I was right, this is a PA movie as I see a bunch of locals dressed in rags and burlap sacks, the standard outfit for holocaust survivors. They seem uniformly clean, though, and their hair looks pretty good. Maybe this is just the new fashion in the future.

The crowd is watching and cheering on these two dudes who seem to be trying to kill each other with their bare hands. They are both wearing little more than disturbingly skimpy loincloths and sandals, and they seem evenly matched. Well, the more I watch this extended fight, I see that they aren't really trying that hard. Maybe they are just play-fighting, or maybe this is some sort of futuristic bonding ritual or ceremonial greeting or something. No, they are trying to kill each other, or maybe fighting over a girl. I don't care, I've lost interest already.

Fight!
Hmm...there seems to be a pair of robots here. One looks like a plastic and rubber halloween mask attached to a spray-painted cardboard body with some washers and nuts super-glued onto the arms. The other robot looks worse. Are they spectators? Are they overlords? Are they betting the line? Are they just guys in bad robot suits? One robot in particular is really ugly, lets call him Ugly-Robot.

The camera then pans to a lone man entering the scene, backlit by hazy light in one of those cliched dramatic entries normally reserved for Designated Heroes. This guy certainly looks like our film's hero, what with his perfectly-coiffed hair and his clean and well-tailored clothes. He also has that set, determined facial expression that seems to convey, "I am the hero, do as I say." Or maybe it says, "I am the director's son/the director himself/sleeping with the director's wife, and I am the only one of the principal cast who is actually going to get a paycheck for this movie that's not going to bounce." Let's call him Hero-Guy.

Hero-Guy!
Hero-Guy stands off to the side a bit, watching. One of the robots (the one with the stupid rubber face, lets call him Stupid-Robot) walks up and has his arm grabbed by Hero-Guy. Hero-Guy then hits him lightly on the back of the head like they are Moe and Larry, and then just stands there. Since the robot mask has no moving mouth parts, I can only assume it's a one-sided conversation, based on the editing cuts alone. Stupid-Robot seems to act differently towards the humans than Ugly-Robot, and I think they are here separately. You can also see his "metal" parts flexing like latex when he moves his head.

Stupid-Robot.
Into the warehouse now walks...wait, no, we've switched locations it seems. Now we're "somewhere" where a girl is walking along through a smoky corridor, kinda looks like a factory floor. She's in her twenties, I'd say, tallish and blonde with way too much mascara and lip gloss. She's got a certain bitchy self-assertive strut to her walk, is she the Designated Villain? She certainly looks that way. Lets call her Evil-Girl.

She goes up to this glowing orb thingie stuck onto the side of this vertical control panel that looks like it's for regulating water flow in a sewage plant. Evil-Girl starts talking to the orb, is it talking back? It seems to be pulsating rhythmically, perhaps she's having a conversation a robot computer somewhere?

Evil-Girl and the orb thingie.
Back to the warehouse. Hmm...there's an older man in the crowd, standing with this younger cute chick with large breasts. Father/daughter? Uncle/niece? Lucky bastard/girlfriend? They talk a bit. Lets call them Old-Guy and Huge-Boobs-Girl. Ugly-Robot then steps up and hands one of the fighters a knife! Every one in the crowd starts yelling and shaking their fists at this. Did they not like the knife? Would they have preferred a blunderbuss?

Old-Guy and Huge-Boobs-Girl.
Hmm...everyone just sort of, well, fell down. And they are groping around at their throats like someone just let out the worst sauerkraut and lima bean crop duster old guy fart you can imagine. Is something hurting them? Is it this movie? Old-Guy (who noticeably didn't fall down) and Ugly-Robot now seem to be chatting. Hard to tell as Ugly-Robot has no lips to move, but the scene is cut to suggest a conversation. Maybe they are talking about why he didn't fall down. Or maybe about the Knicks and why they can't get a decent shooting guard.

There's a lot of dialogue here and the scene keeps jumping back and forth from the Old-Guy, to Huge-Boobs-Girl, to Ugly-Robot, and to Evil-Girl with the glowing orb thing, everyone seems to be really concerned about getting their point across. Perhaps they are debating German existentialist philosophy, or why Stealth sucked so much ass, or maybe arguing over if Belgium could clobber England now that the MoD seems determined to cut the Royal Navy's budget down to a quid a month plus tips.

Ok, whatever was just said, now all the locals seem to have recovered from whatever caused them to all fall down. They look pretty groggy as they stand up, was it some sort of sonic weapon? Whoa! Ugly-Robot just shot dead the two guys who were fighting each other a minute ago! Just zapped them in the head with some sort of bluish fuzzy raygun. Don't know why.

Ugly-Robot with his zapper gun.
Old-Guy now leaves with Ugly-Robot. I think I know for sure now that the other robot, Stupid-Robot, the one that was chatting up Hero-Guy, isn't with the Ugly-Robot. Maybe he's a "good robot".

Hero-Guy and Stupid-Robot approach Huge-Boobs-Girl and there is an inordinate amount of chatter. Huge-Boobs-Girl just flashed something on the side of her head under her hair. What was that?

Hmm...ok, so a small group now leaves the warehouse. In this group are Hero-Guy, Huge-Boobs-Girl, Stupid-Robot, and two random local dudes from the crowd. They walk off through...well, that certainly looks like a city park of some sort. I see well-manicured lawns, neatly trimmed shrubs, even trash cans. Maybe the holocaust was just a couple of days ago?

Wandering.
What's this? A group of people wearing face paint and holding fake swords and tridents (!) who block their path? They seem to be all pretty young girls, are these post-apocalyptic Amazons? God, I hope so!

The leader of these Amazons has to be this girl, mostly because she's the only one who seems to be talking and she has that confidant leadership stance. She also has the best hair, all teased and permed with some nice highlights. Nice outfit, as well, faux-fur leg warmers and a push-up laced corset thing, very classy in a stripclub-on-Staten-Island kind of way.

Amazon leader.
They all seem to be chatting about something, the Amazon leader looks annoyed, the guys look annoyed, I'm annoyed. Where is Stupid-Robot? In a tree? The Amazon leader seems really mad now, her nostrils are flaring and she's got her shoulders set and head back. Maybe they insulted her leg warmers.

Hmm...now the Amazon leader and one of the dudes are fighting. It's not Hero-Guy, though, which seems odd, shouldn't he be the one to do all the dramatic stuff? How is Huge-Boobs-Girl supposed to fall in love with him if he doesn't do all the dangerous and daring stuff? The dude quickly thumps the Amazon and she cries uncle. The Amazon leader is really upset now, certainly because she just got owned by a scrawny dude in Speedos.

Amazon is mad.
You know, even without sound I can tell that these are some of the worst actors ever in the history of humanity. They just look so stilted and clunky, I'm kinda glad now that I can't hear their line-reads. When casting a movie a director will normally follow a set pattern. They hire a casting agency, a call for auditions is put out, actors come in and read for the director, and then he and his staff pick the best one for each role. Agents are paid, documents are drawn up, union cards are verified, and the shoot begins. But not so with Robot Holocaust it seems. It's like the director just went down to the local Wal-Mart on a Tuesday night with a stack of liability waver forms and a bag of candy. The first fifteen people who walked by got a form and a Snickers bar. The only requirement seemed to be that they not be too fat, be under the age of 30, and have all their teeth. I know what you're thinking, "A fit, young, attractive person at Wal-Mart? Fantasy!" but that would just be mean.

Anyway, back to our riveting action! Our convoy keeps walking now through the park, with the addition of Amazon leader (I'll just call her Amazon). Why is she here? Did she agree to come along after getting her fur-covered ass kicked in the fight? Did she fall in love? Doubtful, as she still seems to be very angry at something or someone here. As well, they picked up this long-haired guy who was tied up to a tree by the Amazons. He looks like Fabio, or maybe Garth from Wayne's World, and he is wearing little more than underwear and sandals.

Garth, all tied up.
Back now to Evil-Girl (this movie jump-cuts with reckless abandon, and it's freaking annoying) as she walks somewhere. She comes to this cage thingie, but there's no one in it. She goes inside and closes the door. A teleporter? A phonebooth? WHOA! What the hell?!? Now she's topless and there are two other nekkid people dancing in front of the cage and holding up this static electricity ball (available at the Sharper Image website...). Huh? There's more dancing, kind of an interpretive dance thing, and Evil-Girl spins around slowly and looks all glassy-eyed. What the fuck is going on here? Oh, well, Evil-Girl has an impressive set of nuclear warheads, so I guess I can't complain too much. Suddenly, Evil-Girl is now dressed again (what was just edited out?) and looks pissed. She's talking to someone offscreen, and now she looks scared. Ok. The scene ends before we see who she's talking to.

Nekkid Evil-Girl!
Back now to Evil-Girl as she meets Old-Guy and Ugly-Robot. There's a lot of talking here, but it's clear that Evil-Girl is speaking harshly to Old-Guy, who seems pretty resigned. He has either a NYC transit cop badge or an iPod around his neck, and is wearing a short tan tunic. Old-Guy is led off somewhere and Evil-Girl stamps around and looks even more annoyed.

Back outside, our party of heroes is now entering a narrow tunnel, which looks like some sort of subway maintenance tunnel, I'd guess. They seem a bit apprehensive. Oh, that's why. There appear to be these snake/worm/sock puppet thingies that poke out from the tunnel walls (ok, so it's not a real tunnel but a painted styrofoam stage prop) with snapping "teeth" and such. Don't look very scary to me, especially as they seem to only be able to come out a foot or so.

Snake bites dude.
I guess they have to pass through here to get where they want to go. So they wade in with swords and knives, cutting and slashing the fake snakes as they snap at them. One of the local guys (of the two) gets "bit", and by bit I mean one of the snakes latches onto his neck for half a second, just long enough to smear a handful of blood/ketchup/strawberry syrup on his neck. Not much drama here, really, the snakes don't exactly inspire the kind of fear in me that they seem to with our characters.

Past the snake tunnel now, they come back aboveground and reach what looks like a pond, the water murky and the soft edges overgrown with cattails and reeds. They talk some more and the camera centers on some bubbles coming up out of the water, then they talk some more. Since the scene ends here, I never learn what was up with the bubbles, but I assume they are connected to some sort of mutant salmon or something.

Back now to Evil-Girl again. She's talking to the orb thing again, but she keeps looking up and away offscreen like there's someone else in the room we never see. Is this one of those movies where the ultra-mega bad guy is never seen, but is just a disembodied voice? I hope not. Evil-Girl seems to have the time to take a shower between scenes as her hair is always styled a little different each time. She does have very pretty shiny hair, though, she must use Pantene.

Evil Girl.
Old-Guy is now tied up to some metal poles and zapped with electricity! Well, the actor grimaces and thrashes a bit as squiggly lines are scratched on the film negative. Old-Guy takes it all, however, and doesn't seem to be talking. Try waterboarding. I feel sorry for the man playing the Old-Guy character, I'm sure this is not where he wanted to be in life when he hit 50. Did he have hopes and dreams at one time, did he want to be a lawyer, or doctor? What happened to this poor man along the road of life that he is reduced to acting in this godawful piece of poo movie for what I'm sure is less than $20 a day plus free donuts?

Back now to the wastelands where our heroes are still trekking along. Suddenly they are attacked by a band of mutant scavengers! Wow, mutants in a PA movie, imagine the odds! These look to be normal humans dressed in rags and either covered with bad makeup or wearing halloween masks. Without the sound, I can only assume that they are making the customary movie mutant grunts and guttural "Rahs!".

Mutants.
Our heroes slash and poke with their swords, and the unarmed and unattractive mutants fall easily. The dude who was injured by the snakes is lost, however, swarmed under by mutants as the attack begins. Escape is affected by the use of a forcefield put up by Stupid-Robot (I know it's a forcefield because I saw Hero-Guy mouth "forcefield"). Why Stupid-Robot didn't use this forcefield in the tunnel with the snakes is an unanswered question.

Back to Old-Guy, still tied up. Now Evil-Girl seems to be trying to seduce him! Perhaps torture didn't work so she's going to try her feminine charms. And her charms are impressive, even if they are disguised behind this ugly fishnet top. Odd that this is the only scene where she's wearing this outfit, and even odder that it seems that her tummy is bulged out like she's seven months pregnant. She's got a flat, toned tummy in all other scenes, so maybe they had to call the actress back to do some re-shoots after wrapping and in the meantime she had gotten pregnant? Anyway, Old-Guy seems somewhat less than interested in Evil-Girl's hotness. Old-Guy is pretty clean shaven in this scene, maybe the robots cleaned him up a bit. Man, there is just tons of talking here, I wish I knew what was being said. Or maybe not.

Evil Girl chats up Old-Guy.
Back outside, we get a lousy matte painting of an intact factory superimposed over a foreground shot of a ruined factory. Our heroes find a collection of icky crucified skeletons hanging upside down from wooden beam crosses. Are these a warning of some sort? I assume so, this is a common movie cliche. Hero-Guy walks up to one and pulls a big silver ring off of one bony finger. He looks at it like he recognizes it or something before pocketing it, or maybe he's just a petty thief not above grave robbing the dead.

Back inside again (stop with the fucking jump cuts!) to where Old-Guy and Evil-Girl are still (still, still, still) talking. Evil-Girl is looking hot here, and she seems to be enjoying herself for some reason. We then get a slow zoom into Old-Guy's face as he looks pained, perhaps he can't take her talking anymore. Perhaps right now he'd be willing to do anything (even her) to have some peace and quiet.

Evil-Girl is hot, but evil is always hot.
Outside again, our heroes enter a subway tunnel and go below ground. I assume that they are entering the bowels of that matte painting factory we saw before. Down in the tunnel, which is atmospherically lit with mood lights and shrouded in dry ice fog, they creep carefully along with swords drawn. And then they stop. And they stand there looking dumbfounded, staring straight ahead. But they're not talking, they're just standing there. God, this is taking forever. Are they listening to something? Is Panic at the Disco playing?

Huh? We now cut to group of locals somewhere hauling around these heavy burlap bags that have "silicone-argon deposits" stenciled on them. Is this the same group of locals as we saw in the first part of the movie? I don't recognize any of them, though they do have the same style of ripped and torn clothes. These guys, however, have absolutely perfect hair, seriously, like Michael J. Fox or John Edwards. There seems to be a rather animated conversation between two of the guys. Blah blah blah, talk talk talk. I hate this movie. What's up with the bags?

Awesome hair!
Back to our heroes, as they are now walking through the tunnels, steam vents around them and the mood lighting is all pastel and trippy. One guy falls in hole but he's ok. They then find a dead body of some woman and seem to ignore it. What was that about? Amazon has her sword out and is walking like she's seen too many late-night ninja movies on Channel 6, all crouch-walking with careful steps and all. All throughout here we have frequent jump cuts back to Evil-Girl (who has now switched to a nice black and purple dominatrix outfit), Ugly-Robot, the orb thingie, and Old-Guy and even back to the random locals with the sacks and the perfect hair (though these guys are showing way too much man-butt cheek for my tastes).

Suddenly they walk into a spider web! A fake-ass claw arm leans out from behind a wall, held with some effort by badly paid non-union stage hands. Stupid-Robot steps up now and zaps the thing with this pokey looking laser raygun. Ok, one, where did he get that, and two, if he had it on him before, why the hell didn't he use it on the mutants or the snakes or on me?

Spider web.
They stop to rest, make a fire, eat some smores, and chat. Lots of chatting, endless babbling like teenagers on a sleepover. Soon, the odd-man-out (the last of the two local yokels from before) goes wandering off alone and is ambushed by something gooey and toothy that jumps out from around a bend. Knew he was a goner from the first second I saw him.

Cut back now to Evil-Girl, looking hot with her tight, leather-fringed outfit and a short riding whip, as she seems to be talking to someone off-camera again, even though she's standing by the orb thingie. Maybe I need to find a copy of this movie with sound?

Evil-Girl.
The next morning (maybe) the rest of them move on and find an area with lots of plastic skeletons and Dollar Store bones. The mood lights are overly reddish here, perhaps suggesting death and blood and stuff. They then find the missing local guy sitting with his back against a cinderblock wall and a dead-eye look on his face. As they come closer, some sort of creature bursts out of his stomach! Yeah, I know, Alien rip-off, very crudely done, as well. They kill the creature and move on, leaving the poor dead guy there in a pool of fake stage blood. They now come to a iron bar fence. This entire movie has become a Dungeons & Dragons adventure. They talk about it forever, back and forth, clearly something special about this fence.

Chest-buster!
Back quickly to Evil-Girl, who seems to be ordering around her lackey robots and looks quite mad at something. Whoa! She just got zapped by the same electricity effect that they had for the Old-Guy's torture! Totally out of the blue. She then looks around behind and above her like someone's there and sulks off. What is going on here, I thought Evil-Girl was the boss. Is she just a henchwoman for some bigger baddie? Evil-Girl then finds Ugly-Robot and yells at him for a bit, probably trying to make herself feel better. My boss does that.

Back to the tunnel and the fence. Stupid-Robot pushes the fence open, and we have some sparks, suggesting maybe it was electrified or something. Stupid-Robot then starts spinning around like he's shorting out (like in Alien...) and falls to the ground twitching. They all tend to him but he seems to recover quickly on his own. Stupid-Robot then opens a doorway by putting some sort of explosives on the door frame. Beyond this door is an even bigger tunnel (yawn).

Hmmm...Huge-Boobs-Girl just slapped Amazon! And now they are stopped before some fishing line booby-trap thing and they talk a lot. In some jump-cuts, we see a number of bad robot soldiers scurrying around and Evil-Girl looks pissed (again). Back at the wire trap, Garth seems to be trying to disarm some sort of canister mine, while Hero-Guy talks him through it. If that is indeed a bomb of sorts, it's pretty funny that everyone stands less than three feet away the entire time. Christ, this scene goes on forever! Finally, Garth opens the top of the canister and cuts a wire and everyone looks happier.

Garth disarms the mine.
Back to Evil-Girl, who is really pissed (I am beginning to think that this actress' total range of acting emotions consists of "Pissed" and "More pissed"). The orb seems to be talking to her some more, along with Ugly-Robot, who comes up at some point. Long long long conversations here, probably about the good guys and their seemingly effortless penetration of their base's perimeter security. Evil-Girl sends Ugly-Robot and two robot flunkies out to stop the pesky humans. The robot soldiers are armed with a variety of swords and even a 10th century mace on a chain. What, no lasers?

The three bad robots rumble with our heroes in the tunnel. It degenerates into a standoff fairly quickly as Amazon duels one, Garth the other, while Hero-Guy takes on Ugly-Robot in a duel to the death. Amazon gets the first kill, but Hero-Guy is punked by the much stronger Ugly-Robot and lifted up against wall like Darth Vader on the rebel cruiser.

"Where are the plans for the Death Star!"
Evil-Girl now shows up in the tunnel and captures Huge-Boobs-Girl! She takes her off somewhere (Huge-Boobs-Girl doesn't really put up much of a fight, despite giving a good account of herself back with the mutants) and sneers and talks severely to her. Evil-Girl then talks to the offscreen voice again, but doesn't get the answer she wants.

Zap! Another bolt of electricity hits Evil-Girl! This time she comes up with her face all ugly, kinda burnt, but she doesn't seem to be hurt. Let me rewind... Uh, it seems she's a robot! The zap burnt off some flesh to expose a black metallic robot face underneath! Ah, ok. Sure.

Evil-Girl is really a robot!
Really pissed now, Evil-Girl keeps yelling at the offscreen voice and stomps around a lot. Maybe she's mad because she just paid $17.50 for those earrings down at the mall and now they're melted and she was going to wear them next Tuesday when she and Ugly-Robot went to that nice Applebee's up in White Plains for their monthly outing away from the other robots. Evil-Girl then dramatically flips a random unmarked switch and laughs heartily. Ok. By the way, in the background of this shot is a big steel turbine with "Worthington" in cast raised letters on the side. Googled it and they make steam turbines, just so you know.

Back at the fight, Garth takes a sword slash and goes down for the count. Stupid-Robot then takes down the last bad robot with a lead pipe to the back of the head. The camera zooms in dramatically on the now-dead Garth, though his chest keeps rising and falling, so either he's just wounded or the actor sucks.

Garth dead-ish.
Further down the tunnel, Hero-Guy and Ugly-Robot battle still. Ugly-Robot pulls out his raygun and takes aim, but Amazon jumps in front and takes the hit, dying for a man she just met like six hours ago (Best. Girlfriend. Ever.) that she started out trying to kill herself. As she goes down she hits a switch, is this the same one that Evil-Girl just flipped? I don't think so.

Back to Huge-Boobs-Girl, we see her lips in a close-up say, "Where is my father?" Oh, so is Old-Guy her father? That would explain a lot (and be a relief because I wasn't too comfortable with the whole Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones in Entrapment thing that I thought was going on). But who is she talking to? The offscreen voice? Good gravy, she has huge boobs! Anyway, now Evil-Girl walks up to her and the two women both start talking at length to the offscreen voice. It seems like they are now in allegiance against something, maybe the offscreen voice, maybe not. Wow, that is some bad robot face makeup there, they need to stop with the close-up shots of Evil-Girl's face, it's not doing the movie any favors.

Old-Guy in his pod.
Hmm...a door opens before them now and Old-Guy is there. But he's sitting inside this greenish pulsating sack, like the pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers! What the hell? Old-Guy's head is sticking out of the pod and he starts to talk to Huge-Boobs-Girl about something that makes her cringe. Probably asking her if she was planning on leaving the house dressed like that, and yes, you have to be back by ten or I will call the police and have them drag you and your worthless pothead boyfriend back here, I swear, your mother and I don't know what's happened to you, you used to be such a nice and sweet girl, but now your teachers tell us your grades have crashed and you have been cutting class, is it that boy, I told you he was no good, his parents are Catholic for god's sake, I forbid you to see him anymore, now go to your room, young lady.

Hmm...sorry, anyway, back to the fight again. We are down now to just Hero-Guy and Stupid-Robot, versus Ugly-Robot. The action is vicious and Ugly-Robot seems invincible, if slow and a bit dumbass (in his defense, it must be brutally hard to see in that mask). Hero-Guy is able to slip around him and run to find the girl (well, maybe just run around, he doesn't actually find Huge-Boobs-Girl until much later).

Hero-Guy versus Ugly-Robot.
More endless shots of Evil-Girl pacing and gesturing and talking and stuff. This is getting so terribly tedious, I'm regretting watching this beast now. Not that I have a problem with silent movies, mind you, just last month I download Einstein's seminal Battleship Potemkin. Well, that one had dialogue cards, so I guess it was better than this monstrosity.

Suddenly, we cut to those local people, the ones with the great hair and the neatly named sacks from before. Now they are choking and gasping like the locals in the beginning. Did I miss something? I thought Ugly-Robot caused that reaction? Is he here? Help.

Stupid-Robot finally gets his brokeass raygun working and zaps Evil-Girl! She slides artfully to the floor dead, careful not to bruise herself on the concrete. At about the same time, Hero-Guy gets a good lick in on Ugly-Robot and pounces on him with his sword. Hey, Ugly-Robot, remember that raygun you have on your belt? Yeah, that thing that negates swordfighting skill with the squeeze of a trigger? You might try using that. Arg, Ugly-Robot expires. Fine.

Evil Girl down.
Stupid-Robot finds another random unmarked switch and flips it. The locals regain their feet, whatever was bothering them apparently removed by this switch. For some reason now they all start to celebrate, hugging and smiling and waving their hands in the air like they just don't care and all that. It's a little embarrassing, honestly.

Hero-Guy now finds Huge-Boobs-Girl, who is still talking with her father-in-pod (ha!). Lots of talking, talking, talking. Hero-Guy then nods and zaps Old-Guy with a raygun that Stupid-Robot gave him! Old-Guy blows up in a weak shower of squib shots and sparklers. Huge-Boobs-Girl, who didn't agree with this euthanasia decision, screams in anguish.

Hero-Guy puts Old-Guy out of his misery.
The movie ends now, thankfully, as Hero-Guy leaves Huge-Boobs-Girl and walks off alone. Huge-Boobs-Girl remains in the factory, lamenting her lost father. A fairly downbeat ending, I assume.

Hero-Guy wanders off into the city alone, yet another wasteland hero who chooses the life of solitary danger and privation over daily sex with Huge-Boobs-Girl. Dumbass.